A
female
age
30-35,
*OOP!
writes:I highly doubt I could explain years of a corrupted relationship with my sister in a few short paragraphs but ill give it a shot!I am 17 years old and I have a 19 year old sister who makes it her living goal to attempt to make my life hell. Many people would start to read this and think that this is just another case normal teens having a petty fight every now and again, but I assure you it has become beyond that. For years now my sister and I have been through both screaming matches and physical fights. She would get angry at me, for some reason I am not aware of, and tackle me to the ground and start punching, kicking, bighting, you name it, she has done it to me, causing blood noses, deep cuts, bruises, and even scars. Yet the physical side of this problem doesn’t bother me as much as the mental side of things. I can go on and on about the things that she has done and continues to do to me but I will try and be specific... She gets angry at me for the most petty things that you will not believe and take action to some how get me back on a deeper level. Not to long a go, maybe 6 or so months, she would get angry at me and straight away go to my boyfriend on msn and bitch to him how much of a horrible person I was and make up lies about the things that I would do or say. This was at the start of mine and my boyfriends relationship, and therefor he was confused and to some level he questioned what he was saying is true. She also once saw my boyfriend at a party and she went up to him and attempted to convince him that I told her I was just using him for his money and car, etc… Sisters don’t do that.MY boyfriend confrounted me about this, not believeing it, but i was so upset that my own sister would make up those sort of lies about me, sink so low. I am just glad my boyfriend knew she was full of shit from the start other wise we would have broken up.I haven’t spoken to my sister because of that and today broke the three months silence. She started abusing me once again, and when my parents ask her why she has so much built up hate for me she is unable to answer. My parents say that she is just jealous of me…but I personally think this is not a valed excuse for what she does. I feel captive in my own house, I don’t leave my room when she is home because I don’t want her to confront me and hurt me.My parents don’t know what to do with her. They don’t know why she treats me the way that she does, all the horrible things that she does must be fuelled by something, I have appositely no idea what it is!To some degree this is painful to write and post for others to hear my story because I find it hard to the people about it but I think I finally need someone else point of view, or answers as to why this is happening to meThere is so so so much to the story then this, but I could write on for hours, getting into all the detail but I would be here al night. From an outsiders point of view…why does she do this to me?Please help me so I can work this out with her, because I cant live like this any more. It is an everyday battle for me just to stay out of harms way.
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): This goes beyond, sibling rivalry. This is sibling abuse. And yes, some relationships are so chock full of jealousy, anger, and even hate, that volatile confrontations can become violent, as you have indicated. This violence is a sign that there are serious problems that need to be dealt with. You have a right to feel safe and happy in your own home, dear. Our homes are our safe havens. And you need to sit with Mom and Dad and be as absolutely honest and straightforward as you can, and tell them..your sister has some serious issues, as Fade advised you on. This is not normal. Your sister has a problem and you are her psychological/physical 'punching bag'. I am sorry for what you are going through. Professional counseling for her may be the only way to find a permanent resolution. And you need to talk to someone who can help. If your parents are not responsive..talk to a teacher, Aunt, family member or someone you trust. Please keep an eye out for you and ask for help. Good luck
A
female
reader, starismine1  +, writes (6 September 2008):
 It is very unfortunate for you that you are being subjected to this kind of verbal and physical abuse from your sister. It sounds to me like she has what is called "borderline personality disorder". You may want to read up on this to see if the symptoms fit her behavior and personality. Have your parents sent her for pyschological evaluation/counseling? It also sounds to me that your parents are not punishing her for her behavior which compounds your problems, because they are doing what is called "enabling" her abuse. You may also be egging her on at times, not deliberately, but by talking to her about personal things about your relationships, your feelings on things, etc. to try to include her in your life to get her acceptance and approval. Obviously this is backfiring on you and only fueling her emotional issues. She may seem jealous of you, as your parents said, but her problems go beyond normal sibling jealousy. I can understand how this is emotionally tearing you apart. Unfortunately, your only recourse is to move out of a living environment with her, by going to away to school or getting a place of your own as soon as possible, or living with relatives or a roommate somewhere. And it's in your best interest not to double date or associate with her socially with friends as much as possible. This means you have to cut her out of your life the best way you can, which will be a lot harder than you realize. At some level, her abuse is comforting to you, the attention feels good, even if it is negative attention. I would suggest you go to therapy counseling as soon as possible, because the negative effects of your upbringing (including your parents enabling the abuse) will be replayed in your life in the relationships you form with others, if you don't get help. But help is out there, and hope to attract a calmer, more loving life.
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A
female
reader, starismine1 +, writes (6 September 2008):
It is very unfortunate for you that you are being subjected to this kind of verbal abuse from your sister. It sounds to me like she may have a borderline personality disorder. You may want to read up on this and see if she fits the symptoms. Have your parents sent her for pyschological evaluation/counseling? It also sounds to me that your parents are not punishing her for her behavior which compounds your problems. You may also be egging her on at times, not deliberately, but by talking to her about personal things about your relationships, your feelings on things, etc. to try to include her in your life to get her acceptance and approval. Obviously this is backfiring on you. I can tell this is emotionally tearing you apart. Your only recourse is to move out of a living environment with her, by going to away to school or getting a place of your own as soon as possible, or living with relatives or a roommate somewhere. And not double date or associate with her socially with friends as much as possible. This means you have to cut her out of your life, which will be a lot harder than you realize. At some level, her abuse is comforting to you, the attention feels good, even if it is negative. I would suggest you go to therapy counseling as soon as possible, because the negative effects of your upbringing (including your parents enabling the abuse) will be replayed by reliving the abuse in relationships you form with others,if you don't get this kind of help. But help is out there, and hope to receive a better, calmer, more loving life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2008): Your right, this is more than just plain old jealously. There's something deeper going in your sister head and something you can't help her with, she sees you as her punching bag and she needs to get help. Talk to your parents and tell them she needs to see someone.
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