A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My sister went out with this guy for almost 6 years. They always fought about the stupidest things because they both thought that they were right about everything. Last February they went through a rough patch. He would constantly flip out at the littlest things and then leave my sister on the phone crying. Her birthday came around and he didn't even call or say anything. A couple weeks later she finally broke it off with him. She was depressed for weeks. During the break-up he called her and asked to hang out. My sister stupidly said yes and when she came home she was all happy and thought maybe this time will be different. From what I heard there was some "intercourse" but not exactly sex. He called her the next morning and said he wanted to see other people. She was devastated and everyone realized what a jerk he is. Recently, they started going out again. The way she talks about him she makes him sound like a completely different person. My gut feeling is that he is faking just to "get in her pants" and then dump her again. We are a close nit family and that should be the number one thing, and my sister has always said that she wants her boyfriend to get along with the family. After what he did nobody in my family likes him so he is obviously not welcome at social events. He has my sister brainwashed because she has changed all of her priorities. She says that shes happy so it doesn't matter what everyone else thinks... which is true to a point, but she has gone against what she believes... I've tried to tell her that maybe this isn't the best choice, and she flips out at me because I talk down on him. I'm just trying to warn her and avoid any problems. I'm just trying to be a good sister. Am I wrong?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): i have gone through same situation i got dumped by the man
A
male
reader, turkishsabre  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 i think you mix too much to the events..this is somekind of her problem..but as a sister when she is in a real danger you walk infront of her..dont forget failure is key to success each mistake teaches us something..she will find the true path by herself by making mistakes..i dont defend the guy he seems really stupid but that is the point he has a strong effect on your sister and this makes you uncomfortable..in this situation when you tell her not to make mistake about him will not work exactly so you must change the tactics..what can you do..i know this advice is not ethical but you can confuse her brain about that guy easily by introducing her to other new guys who are less harmfull or harmonious to your family..think about this..but never intervene her not to make her going on her mistakes..just make her understand she have better alternatives around:))
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You do not need to criticize him. Because though the past says differently, there is always the chance that he has changed, no matter how small that chance is. I am not saying, encourage her relationship, but cease trying to wipe it out completely. Remind her gently about what he has done in the past, how cruelly he tormented her with his emotional manipulations, remind her how terribly she cried in mourning of her lost romance after one simple act. That one simple act he had been after all along. Tell her that she does not have to end this relationship, just tell her that you want her to be careful and be wary that history may repeat itself in the end. Let her know that all you want is for her to harden her heart so she will not be hurt or shocked again. Then let her make her choice.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I believe it to be situational dependent, as history specific to one case is inexact to that of another. I was party to a similar situation (i.e. the sister who repeatedly forgave the boyfriend, as I loved him unconditionally). I support your sister, and Equally I also maintain that you, as her sister, should respect her decisions and refrain from judging her or harboring negative feelings because of them, even if they are not aligned with yours. That's God's job, and he doesn't even do that, as like with your sister, his love is unconditional.
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A
female
reader, MsUnhappy +, writes (21 October 2010):
 You are not wrong to be concerned for her. But as I say with many people and situations, You cannot help someone who doesn't want to be helped.
Unfortunately, for some women it takes falling on their face over and over again to finally realize that their love in being taken for granted, hell some women never learn. While I hope that this doesn't end up being your sister, all you can do is give your advice if she asks for it and try to keep yourself out of the situation the best you can because all you will end up doing is pushing her away due to your resentment towards her boyfriend. You want to be someone she confides in, not someone who criticizes her every time she comes to you for comfort and support.
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