A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Long story short my younger sister is pregnant and I'm not too excited about it. She just turned 20 and was not in a relationship with the father who is unemployed. He wants nothing to do with her or the baby. She just graduated high school last year and started working her first real job a couple months ago. She lives with my sister and her three kids. Needless to say there is not room for a baby when she sleeps on the couch. I haven't really voiced my dislike for the situation but I admit sometimes I find it hard to show enthusiasm. Every time she posts a status update about how she is feeling and the pregnancy whether its good or bad I start to feel bad. She is very immature and still behaves as if she is in junior high school. Will my ill feelings ever go away? I love her i just don't agree with the situation. She will be placing another burden on my sister who she lives with and intruding even more. My older sister has not spoken on it because she doesn't want to hurt her feelings but she is very uncomfortable and annoyed with the situation as well. My older sister asks me for advice but I don't know what to say. You can't just kick family out on the street especially with a child. I have no kids, a full time job, my own place and a car. My younger sister has none of these things. Any advice for me or any of my sisters?
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female
reader, R1  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 What do you expect her to do? She must be very scared and sounds like she is in a horrible situation. She needs your support not judgement as it is a bit late to be talking to her about contraception!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): With a full house, it doesn't sound practical for your older sister to accommodate your younger sister and her baby when it comes.Have you considered letting her stay with you? Since you have more space and no kids?You can't skirt around the issue. She is not a child anymore and she will have to start acting like the parent that she is. So ask her what her plans are about how to support the baby, where to live, and how she plans to earn while she's looking after the baby. It's important that you don't offer help until she's thought this through and realised what a pickle she's in and made an attempt at finding solutions. Help her understand the position by leaving her to try to come up with some solutions. When she's shown maturity, then you can offer accommodation for a specified amount of time after which she will have to come up with a plan.Is there any state help available to her? Also, get DNA tests done and get the child's father involved if not financially then he can babysit while she works. Also, his family can chip in. You find yourself in a horrible situation but ultimately it would be difficult to turn away your own blood when you have the means to help them.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2013): Unless she asks to live with you, their arrangement is between her and your older sister. I'd stay out of it.
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A
female
reader, Ciar  +, writes (10 August 2013):
 By 'post updates' I assume you mean on Facebook. So, a simple thing you can do is 'hide' those from your younger sister. You can always undo whatever changes you've made at a later time. It may seem like a small thing, but it would help not to have frequent reminders of something that bothers you.
Next, I would suggest that your older sister raise some of her concerns by first asking questions. Not an interrogation or a prelude to a lecture on responsibility, mind you, but conversationally as she would with a respected friend. It would encourage the younger sister to think like an adult which will eventually lead to acting like an adult without an angry confrontation.
She could open the door with something like 'Have you given any thought to living/sleeping arangements when the baby comes?'
She may decide to have a sit down with her at some point, and this strategy might help lay the foundation for such a talk. However you handle it, please remember to keep it brief and to the point. No one wants to be criticized, whether that criticism is warranted or not. You'll have few windows of opportunity where she is receptive to hearing some unpleasant truths so use them wisely.
Also important to remember that it is still the very early stages of the pregnancy so the reality of it hasn't yet set in. Give it time.
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