A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I need some advice. My sister is a recovering alcoholic. She hasn't had anything to drink in a long time and is doing really well. But because she went through a lot of trauma and saw negative side effects from alcohol I abstain from alcohol. My girlfriend likes to drink and has toned it down for me because she knows my situation. However, I can't seem to think positively when I go to parties and the only activity there is drinking. Normally, I could go to my friends and they would agree the party is kind of lame, but I'm the only one that gets all tense about the drinking deal. I don't freak out when I see anyone drink. Its only the people that I care about and then when there is an overwhelming amount of people drinking. Anyway I don't want it to control me in the sense that it always puts me in a bad mood. Any thoughts?
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWow this interesting stuff. I guess back when I wasn't in a relationship I would go this party's with the idea that these drinking parties would make it easier for me to get with someone (ended up not being the case) and I could hang out with my friends and do whatever but it increased the chance of something good happening in the ladies department. Well now that I'm in a relationship I guess I feel like I don't want to use that system anymore. So its not so much that these parties that I go to are terrible. I mean some of them are boring and its just people talking to other people, I'd rather have to deal with the fact of having to come up with conversation to make it less boring than to be overwhelmed with the drinking. At the same time, I feel like if I'm not overwhelmed with the drinking its almost like compromising my morals? I don't know... I need some advice sorry if that was confusing.
A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85  +, writes (18 May 2008):
Hehe, I know where your coming from with that to! All I can say is it takes a little bit of time and understanding... when I used to have my 'moments' (as I call them) my girlfriend used to to really resent it cos she thought I was 'having a mardy.' Gradually, as time as passed she's seen that its not because I'm not having a good time, more that those moments are needed for me to have a good time... you understand? My close friends have come to appreciate this too.
Ultimatley it all comes down to understanding really, if I'm at a party I usually just say: I just need a quiet moment to myself and then I'll be back. Coupled with a smile and people usually understand.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks a lot that seems like a great idea! I will try this next time. The problem that happens at these parties is I think she feels like I'm just mad because they are engaging in foolish activity. I don't want her to realize that its more because of my past that it triggers these feelings. I don't want people to think I feel superior to all of them because I don't drink. I just want them to understand that it affects me because of my past. I'm going to try that moment of stepping back. But how do I keep her from feeling resentful?
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A
female
reader, Lost_Soul85 +, writes (18 May 2008):
I understand where your coming from, my uncle was an out and out alcoholic - a trait that appears to be common in my family. I myself have a weakness when it comes to alcohol and often find myself getting upset when my girlfriend drinks alot.
One thing I find helpful is minimising the amount of situations where alcohol flows i.e. going to the cinema, going for a walk etc or when we're in a situation where alcohol is consumed - taking a step back from time to time, having a moment to myself to gather my thoughts. When your at a party and you feel yourself getting upset, go find somewhere quiet, sit down, think the situation through, count to ten, take a deep breath and appreciate that this isn't the norm. You say that your girlfriend has toned down her drinking for you, well that is very positive on her part and shows that she doesn't rely on alcohol. Don't let this feeling control you! I find the above technique very helpful in all situations where I find myself getting upset.
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