A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Dear all, I know this is not a love related question so maybe not relevant to most readers but I have serious family issues! My sister is sucking the blood out of me. All she ever did was ask, ask, ask. When she was a student, she did not want to live in an empty house all summer that had already been paid for but her friends weren't there... So she came to live with me, in a tiny shoe box of a student hall room. Then when she graduated she didn't know where to go so she came to live with me again, slept in my bed, again, while I had to get up for work at 6 every morning. When I moved,she tagged along again. I remember asking her for help several times but her answer always was: Sorry no can do! Now she is giving me hell for being all out of everything I can give and yells at me all the time because I cannot possibly help her with her latest endeavor as there is simply nothing left in me. She just yells and yells and when she is done she puts her headphones on to drown out my side of the story. I am at the point of either killing her or myself and simply have no idea how to deal with this anymore. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I just don't know what to say or do anymore. I am desperate for any advice or help. Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Here's how you can handle this. When "...All she ever did was ask, ask, ask..." YOU can DON'T LISTEN, DON'T LISTEN, DON'T LISTEN.....
That should put matters on an even footing....
Good luck....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2016): Mentally ill people (and I too think she may have some sort of mental problems) become highly dysfunctional if they are not well brought up. This wasn't and isn't your job to educate and rear your sister but unfortunately it is your problem.Stop enabling her. Set firm set of rules and when she does not live by them, then you have to stand your ground and do what you had told her would happen. She MUST believe your words and for that to happen you must make a plan, believe in it and stick to it. It should include seeing a therapist and basic house rules, spending and participation in paying bills, chores etc.That would be good for you and is helping her. SHe will continue to drink your blood for as long as you let her.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (4 March 2016):
 I agree with the Citizen's Advice suggestion.
Another one is from the NHS website: If you want to talk to someone right away, the mental health helpline page has a list of organisations you can call for immediate assistance. These are helplines with specially trained volunteers who'll listen to you, understand what you're going through, and help you through the immediate crisis. The Samaritans operates a service 24 hours a day, 365 days a year for people who want to talk in confidence. Call them on 08457 90 90 90."
http://www.nhs.uk/NHSEngland/AboutNHSservices/mental-health-services-explained/Pages/accessing%20services.aspx
There's a whole list of organizations here, with their websites and phone numbers: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/Pages/mental-health-helplines.aspx
Anxiety UK
Charity providing support if you've been diagnosed with an anxiety condition.
Phone: 08444 775 774 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am-5.30pm)
Website: http://www.anxietyuk.org.uk
Bipolar UK
A charity helping people living with manic depression or bipolar disorder.
Website: http://www.bipolaruk.org.uk
Depression Alliance
Charity for sufferers of depression. Has a network of self-help groups.
Website: http://www.depressionalliance.org
Mental Health Foundation
Provides information and support for anyone with mental health problems or learning disabilities.
Website: http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk
Mind
Promotes the views and needs of people with mental health problems.
Phone: 0300 123 3393 (Mon-Fri, 9am-6pm)
Website: http://www.mind.org.uk
OCD Action
Support for people with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD). Includes information on treatment and online resources.
Phone: 0845 390 6232 (Mon-Fri, 9.30am-5pm)
Website: http://www.ocdaction.org.uk
OCD UK
A charity run by people with OCD, for people with OCD. Includes facts, news and treatments.
Phone: 0845 120 3778 (Mon-Fri, 9am-5pm)
Website: http://www.ocduk.org
No Panic
Voluntary charity offering support for sufferers of panic attacks and OCD. Offers a course to help overcome your phobia/OCD. Includes a helpline.
Phone: 0844 967 4848 (daily, 10am-10pm)
Website: http://www.nopanic.org.uk
PAPYRUS
Young suicide prevention society.
Phone: HOPElineUK 0800 068 4141 (Mon-Fri,10am-5pm & 7-10pm. Weekends 2-5pm)
Website: http://www.papyrus-uk.org
Rethink Mental Illness
Support and advice for people living with mental illness.
Phone: 0300 5000 927 (Mon-Fri, 10am-2pm)
Website: http://www.rethink.org
Samaritans
Confidential support for people experiencing feelings of distress or despair.
Phone: 116 123 (free 24-hour helpline)
Website: http://www.samaritans.org.uk
Sane
Charity offering support and carrying out research into mental illness.
Phone: 0845 767 8000 (daily, 6-11pm)
SANEmail email: [email address blocked]
Website: http://www.sane.org.uk
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There are many more links on the page so I would encourage you to reach out to the appropriate organizations.
From your comment "I am at the point of either killing her or myself and simply have no idea how to deal with this anymore." I would start with the Samaritans, first to calm you down, then to get yourself pointed to the right set of resources.
Sorry you've been struggling. You're not alone, you just need to find your tribe--the support group that can help you--so get the help you need as a caregiver. Which is what you are, a caregiver.
And do talk to your doctor for advice as well. Best wishes.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 March 2016):
 In light of your update my previous statement seems harsh. I think you need to give us a complete picture so we can be more helpful, eg. is she in work, currently under a doctor, on medication, any friends etc?
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Have you tried citizen's advice?
https://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/about-us/contact-us/
Maybe there is some way to get her into a group home? and to GET her the help she clearly needs. (and get her out of your hair).
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 March 2016): Hi everyone, I am the OP and I would like to thank all of you for your support and, indeed, very wise and helpful words. The problem is, as some of you have suggested, she actually has mental health issues and calling to our parents for help is no option as they have both passed away. If only there was not as much hate and resentment from here side and if only I could talk to her grown up to grown up, I am sure we'd find a way to sort things out so we could both be fine but I am just out of strength and ideas. I have not, so far, talked to anyone else or have been seeking help as I just don't have the strength to do any more than I am already doing. Maybe someone has been in her place and can tell me how I could talk to her so she will be less hostile. Any advice will be very, very much appreciated!
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 March 2016):
 Kick her out or move away from her. Really. You need to stop enabling this. If you are tired of her, then why do you allow it to continue? You need to realize that you DO have the power to stop it, and you have the RIGHT to say no.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (3 March 2016):
 Can you talk to your parents about this? Or another family member? You use such strong words. It worries me for both yours and her mental health. You need to tell her how you are feeling. If she puts her headphones on take them off her and tell her she must leave if she is not going to show you any respect. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (3 March 2016):
Yep, time for her to leave.
Does she have a job? If not tell her she has 30 days to find a job and a place she can afford. If she doesn't want to live alone, she should look into a room-mate situation or... move back him to your parents (if that is an option).
If she gets mad, let her. But after 30 days I do as Denizen suggests and change the locks pack her stuff, kick her out.
One thing though, does she have mental issues? Or has she just be come so dependent on you she is virtually paralyzed with the notion of taking care of herself?
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (3 March 2016):
Change the locks and put her suitcase on the step. If you want to be kind you can book her in at a B&B for a night so she has somewhere to go.
Write her a nice letter explaining that you are doing this to save your relationship with her. You love her but you just can't live with her anymore.
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