A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I've recently joined an on-line dating site and have started chatting to this guy who lives in the same area as me. We haven't been chatting too long, but I rather like the guy so far.He recently asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink or a movie. I declined the offer simply because I hardly know him and I really want to make sure I do this right and stay safe, since you can never be sure who you're really talking to.Does anyone have any tips on how I can make sure I stay safe? Like, how much time should I give before agreeing to meet up with him, should I take someone with me when I go meet him, that sort of thing?I've told my sister and a friend about him and they've advised me to be careful, but what else can I do to make sure I stay safe? I just want to be careful since my sister admitted to me that she went to meet a guy she was dating over the internet and he turned out to be a right nutter who locked her in his house and she had to get the police to rescue her.
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female
reader, lexilou +, writes (5 August 2008):
 You do have to be careful but I think your sister was just unlucky. Arrange for some of your friends or even your sister and her friends to go to the same meeting place, dont pick a restaurant as you are stuck all night if he is a waste of time! Pick a pub that does food so that you can suggest a meal if you feel comfy with him. Arrange for your friends to ring you at an appointed time so you have a get out, if things are going badly they can come over and rescue you or you can say something has come up. If all is ok just say yes Im fine thanks and they can either stay in their corner of the pub or go home. DONT take him home or go to his on the first date, wait until you get to know and like him first. ALWAYS at least tell someone where you are going and what time you will be back too.
When I was single internet dating was very new and expensive but we had personal ads and I met about 4 guys through this. I have to admit most of them were a bit odd, the guy who ejaculated all over his pants when I put my legs up on his at my house (after 8 dates), the guy who looked like his 3 year old had dressed him in the dark, the guy who said he looked like grant mitchell but was more like gollum from lord of the rings and the guy who was just so darn ugly my eyes hurt. At least with the internet you can see a pic first!!! My sis is marrying her internet guy next year so good luck!!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2008): 1. If you want to meet him go to a public place like a resturaunt.
2. Bring your purse and in it carry your cell phone and pepper spray.
3. Dont go to his house and dont get in his car (meet him there).
and if you like this man exchange numbers and meet again but dont meet or go any where private untill you feel safe to da so.
good luck and be safe,
Candy {xoxo}
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A
female
reader, Country Woman +, writes (5 August 2008):
 OK well your sister was very unlucky and that is not good.
I have talked to people over the internet on dating sites and yes it is risky as someone once asked me for money after chatting for about 3 weeks and things appearing to be normal but all the alarm bells rang out to me and I quickly kicked him to the kerb.
Always be wary if someone has very professional looking pictures as they could have knicked some model pics off of anywhere on the net.
Don't give out personal info such as home address or telephone number and only keep to a mobile number and if you have 2 mobiles keep it to perhaps a pay as you go moby no so that you can always change it - say if you have one on contract and then a spare on payg. I would be wary of giving your email addy maybe stick to MSN or the dating site in question.
Do talk to this person over the phone first though as a voice is important and maybe ask him for his contact details first, if he declines then run for the hills sweetheart as he is obviously hiding something. Get more info on his background, i.e. work and family and what happened maybe in his last relationship but do it gently not all at once, just casually into a conversation.
If someone wants to talk continually about sex online then again be very wary as they only want titterlation and don't ever give out scantily clad pics of yourself.
On meeting him then after a phone conversation or two maybe arrange to meet in a public place i.e. a bar or restaurant and get your sister or friend to be there to but a reasonable distance away, code yourself by maybe getting your sister or friend to text you to see if you are OK, if you think things are fine then reply YES back to them to put their minds at rest or go to the ladies.
Don't agree to a car ride or going back to his, your sister found out the hard way and saw how that turned out.
You could always arrange for a coffee during the daytime or lunch as that is always easier to leave but again make it in a busy place or where quite a few other people are around you.
Pictures is never good as it is too dark and not ideal if you want to chat.
Maybe after one or two meetings you could go bowling and maybe include friends and ask him to bring some to so that your friends and his can suss you both out. Friends can do that very well so bear it in mind OK.
Good luck and let us know how you get on OK.
BFN
Country Woman
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