A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I really need help on this....Family problem really.Well im 13 and my sister is 9 and we have to share a room. I hate her.Soon as i tidy our room she trashes it or Soon as i tidy the room my mum looks at it then tells me its still a mess. Im always getting in to trouble at home and most of the time im not doing anything !!!!!!!!!!!!!My sister just has to shout that im hurting her to get me into trouble.I was invited to a sleepover on Saturday and i can't go because the fact that im grounded as always.Ive tried being friendly to my sister and get her to help tidy.. She will do it then take all the credit.Ive tried everything... Even helped out more at home but nothing works. All i get is shouted at. Im even being threatned that i will get nothing for my birthday next month.I always miss out and soon as i say this to my parents they always say " tough you should have thought of that before!". I never do anything. Its all my sister!!!Ive told ma mum that its all my sister and she calls me a liar. She did that this morning while i was going to school and i slammed the door shut. My dad shouts at me and usually my gran defends me but now she is annoyed at me...Nothing i seem to do is right these days. Im always in trouble. help
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 June 2012): I have a sister exactly the same way.....she completely is a devious and annoying little 9 year old. She gets away with anything. My dad doesn't understand what I'm going through so that means I can't tell him what or how I feel....my step mom actually relates and listens, but sometimes she disagree and there starts a fight between me my sister my step mom and my father......
A
female
reader, jada fray +, writes (8 August 2011):
you should try and annoy her if that works for you cause me where shes so annoying she dosent listen when you say dont talk to me if not tell me
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A
female
reader, elliebaby +, writes (6 November 2010):
I have a sister just like her x I don't know how to deal with her either. She is a mummies girl so my parents don't suspect a thing. Just stay low and don't speek 2 her
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A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker +, writes (11 June 2008):
 Yes. I know. Little sisters are really, really annoying and ALWAYS get you into trouble.
Do you want the BAD news? It doesn't get any better. My little sister is three years younger than me. I'm now 51 and she's STILL really, really annoying but at least she doesn't get me into trouble these days.
So what can you do about it?
You have to "play the game". Little girls, particularly those under about 12, are smart and devious. To her, it's like a game, and every time she gets her big brother into trouble, she's won.
Now, don't try to get her into trouble. Firstly it won't work (because she is at least twice as smart and three times as devious as you are) and secondly you aren't a silly little girl playing silly little games, are you? Let her get herself into trouble, and it's not hard to do.
What you have to do is to play her game, and win. If you tidy your room, call your mum straight away and get her to see that you've tidied it. Then stay out of the room, making sure your mum knows where you are (i.e. not in the room) until you are fairly sure that your sister has trashed it. Then find a reason to ask your mum to go into the room. Got it?
Always stay one step ahead, and then sooner or later she will start to lose interest. It's a game that gets boring if she can't win all the time.
Another thing: don't react. If there's nothing you can do, then do nothing. If you lose a little battle, if she gets you into trouble, accept it and try harder next time. Say "OK" and walk away from her. Never, never shout or slam doors, because that ANOTHER game she's won and ANOTHER time you're in trouble. Chill out. Step back. Walk away. Say "sorry" even if none of it is your fault if it's something you can't possibly win.
Now - and this is REALLY important. Once you've won. Once she starts to lose interest in getting you into trouble (and making sure that you don't do anything that OUGHT to get you into trouble, of course), you can start a rather different game of your own. Watch her. Watch when she starts doing anything that might get HER into trouble - and, guess what?
Wrong! You DON'T drop her in it with your parents. You have rather different aims, because you're not playing silly little games. Help her to avoid getting into trouble instead. What's your aim? Simple. What you are aiming at is to have a little sister who actually looks up to her big brother and respects him. It can work, really! I've seen it happen, but it's ever so hard to achieve. People (adults) have won the Nobel Peace Prize for achieving less than that. It takes a smart lad to do it, but you'd be amazed how good it feels when you get there.
And one more thing. If and when you get a little pocket money, go and buy your mother a bunch of flowers with it. Don't think of it as money wasted. It will probably be the best investment you ever make in your whole life. AND your sister won't think of doing it first, so that another point for you!
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, bubbloo24  +, writes (11 June 2008):
 I know you've said you have spoken to your parents about this but there is something you need to change about the way you talk to them.
If you say to them "You listen to her", "You ignore me". They feel accused rather than what you want - you want them to listen to you.
They can be angry with you for accusing them, but they can't get angry for the way you feel so this is what I suggest and it's up to you whether you want to take this advice or not but it would seem that you are willing to try anything and I think this is the right attitude to take.
Ask your Mum or Dad - which ever you feel more comfortable with, whether you can have a chat to them on their own. Sit them down and say "I've been feeling so upset lately, I feel that I'm being punished for things I haven't done wrong when I have tried so hard to be a good daughter to the both of you." And you explain your feelings with " I think" or "I've been feeling" at the start of the sentences instead of "YOU ARE" and "SHE IS.." because then you are accusing them and causing them to get angry - and they won't listen to you. Trust me.
So use phrases like "The situation makes me feel upset" or something.
They should listen to you this way, just make sure your sister is out of the way when you talk to them.
Do not yell at them, speak quietly and calmly - they will listen to you more, I assure you.
Take care and I hope this helps.
xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 June 2008): I have empathy with you. My sister is 8 years younger then me; at some stage in my life when I was young I had to share a room with her; it was a living"hell", but I survived, and I am sure you will!
Yes, it is not always easy, try and be "cool" about it.....unfortunately the protection is always towards the youngest....but learn to be nice to her, stay cool and calm, not easy.....but it helps.
You will find ways to maybe speak to your mom or dad when they are relaxed and then explain how you feel.
Good luck, I know it can be tough!
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