A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am looking for some advice on this seasonal problem I am having. My sister has a new boyfriend who is a bit flash, and the other day she came home and said that he has spent approx £40 each on Christmas presents for myself and my other younger sister. She is now expecting us to spend that much on him too. I normally wouldn't mind this, but for the last 4 years my own boyfriend and sisters have only exchanged selection boxes on Christmas to save on costs. He is studying so that is pretty much all he can afford to spend. I am therefore not comfortable with us spending so much on her boyfriend, as on Christmas day they will both open their presents at the same time and it will look as though one is getting a lot more than the other. I also see her point that it will look bad if we don't spend much on her boyfriend when he has spent so much on us though. Has anyone else dealt with this before?
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reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2012): Oh, I would not stress, I would search the internet and look for stuff that is discounted and see if it looks good and expensive. After all some price tags on items are based on where you shop, so look at bargain stores. No one needs to know where you purchased it from.
I also found making my own gift hamper cost a lot cheaper than buying off the shelve. So you just might spend more time shopping around but could get a cheaper gift that has a higher price at another stock. Goodluck
A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (5 December 2012):
 "How nice that your boyfriend has the resources to spend that much on us. As you well know, we don't, and the tradition for the past 4 years has been [as you described in your question]. So is there some reason you want to make us uncomfortable and make the holiday about cash, rather than about family and friends and sharing the joy of the season?"
or
Just accept his gifts, carry on as you normally do, smile a lot, enjoy your new gifts and say 'thank you so much!' to him. Write proper 'thank you' notes to him and don't worry about it. Either she'll get the message that you won't be emotionally blackmailed into giving more than you can afford or she won't. That's up to her.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (5 December 2012):
 The thought of the gift is what matters not the cost.
the fact that the new bf spends more means he has more to spend and is trying to impress
the fact that your sister is concerned he won't be impressed or happy with similar gifts speaks to her insecurity with this fellow.
sadly my husband is one of these types.... he gifts what he thinks we should get back... and it's become a joke with our best couple friend... they gave us a very bizarre amount as a wedding gift (it was a casino voucher that they had won) and we cashed it out (it was not a small amount) and as a wedding gift to them wrote then a check for the exact same amount.
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (5 December 2012):
 Hi
Yes every year.The thing I like best is when its clear they have put some thought into it.I would rather get a Whoopie Cushion than an expensive item I don't like or need.The presents I still have and love are the ones that were chosen for ME.
Spend whatever you can afford or club together and get him something between you.Tell your sister you can't hope to match what he's spent and ask for ideas on stuff he may like.He won't mind I am sure
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2012): Your sister has this the wrong way around. The guy is flash, likes to show off he has a bit of cash to throw around. Getting a lesser present won't be seen as insulting, it'll be a bit of an ego thing as long as your apologetic that you couldn't afford something better.
OP your sister has this all wrong, he's just trying to impress her by looking generous to you all. He's not going to deem it an insult for you to buy him something within your means.
Your sister sounds like she's trying to impress him through you, well sorry but he's not going to give a damn.
I'm exceptionally wealthy now and the gifts I got this year for my family are ridiculously extravagant, there is no way any of them could match me on that and I don't expect them too. My mother will probably get me socks for example, gloves and underwear like she does every year and I got her a BMW M6 convertible.
When it comes to gifts OP you give what you can afford, what kind of person would he be if he was pissed that you didn't break your budget to match his present? He won't care, it's just your sister thinks she has it impress him and have you impress him too.
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