A
female
age
30-35,
*londy
writes:My sister and I got in a big fight last week, I called her fat and pathetic and it made her cry. But I don't know if I should feel bad and I don't want to apologize because she pushed me until I snapped. Ok, here's a little background so you can better understand the situation. My sister is 23, never had a boyfriend and is sometimes really bitter towards me because of my body and my job. I am 5'4" I weigh 106lbs, so I'm not the thinnest person in the world but I think I'm in good shape and I work as a model in LA. My sister is like an inch taller than me and probably weighs 190 or 200lbs and she has always bitched at me about modeling since I was 15! (I'm 19 now) I don't feel sympathy for her, its not my fault she is fat and its not my fault she's jealous of my body. I work out everyday, I eat healthy foods and I don't sit on my ass and gorge like pig like she does! I work to keep my body looking like it does and she doesn't do shit to help herself look better, that is not my fault! So theres the background between us...My parents like seeing my ads and spreads and stuff so I go over there and show them whenever I've got some new pics. She still lives with them, another thing that isn't my fault but she seems to blame me for. I go over to show my parents pics because they like it, she can stay in her room if she wants. I don't go over to brag and rub her face in it. Last month I did a shoot in a pretty revealing thong bikini and when I went over to show my parents, my sister freaked out and went on a rant about how girls like me promote bulimia (I'm not bulimic) and how its my fault that guys don't like her and all the most cliche bullshit you would expect to hear from a fat girl. She said I am shallow and vain and I am the cause of unrealistic body images for girls (she was saying ALL the stuff you would expect from like a feminist protest rally or something) and I lost it! I told her all the stuff I have been holding in for over 4 years, I told her she is a fat ass and no one will ever love her or want to marry her. I told her people are disgusted when they look at her. I told her its her own damn fault she is fat, not mine! I told her she is pathetic for still living at home and not having a job. I told her she eats like pig and will never accomplish anything in life by being a lard-ass. I said some really REALLY nasty things, but I don't feel all that bad about it. I have been biting my tounge for 4 years and I couldn't take it anymore! She blames me for all her problems and insults me all the time and I have never done anything to hurt her, until last week. I love my job, I make good money doing it, I don't feel like I am degrading women, I just posed in a bikini, thats it! I work hard to keep my body looking good and I don't like her telling me I am causing all this terrible shit for women for just being myself and trying to keep in shape. Should I feel bad? She pushed me to do this, if she had just been nice and supportive of me, I never would have said those things. Should I apologize? I think these are her problems, none of which were caused by me, and I am sick of her giving me so much shit for being prettier than her. I don't feel bad because she totally had it coming, but I think I should feel bad. Should I? Please don't come on and just yell at me, I don't hate fat people, I was just pissed off that she was blaming me for all of her personal problems.
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female
reader, QuirkLady +, writes (23 May 2009):
 Have you been supportive to her at all? Ever encouraged her to eat healthy with you, shared some new recipes, given her some workout tips, anything? Have you told her how her comments make you feel?
I think you should have a long talk with each other, and I think you should take one for the team and be extra nice to her for a while. She will get better if she knows she has a sister who loves and supports her. It's hard to resent a truly nice person. Give it a go.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): You just made things ten times worse. What you said was awful and I only hope it motivates her to get fit but she sounds depressed already so she'll properly just go down. Have you tried in the past sitting her down and talking to her? telling her how she makes you feel? Have you tried that??
I think now you should do that or your relationship is ruined. Me and my sister were at odds and had a good old cry and argument with each other! we're good now but we needed to get everything out with each other. You two should do the same.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2009): What is the right thing to do? - she is your sister, you love her to bits - you sound perfect in so many ways - but what about helping her?
Love her - she is you sister and all the time you will ever have together is too short. Really not worth the short time we have having a girly fit and shouting at each other - help her.
Star.x.
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