A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend and I have been together for over 6 years. For the first 3 we were living separately and the sex was great. We made love almost every time we saw each other. But since we moved in together the sex has kind of dried up. We went from 3-4 times per week down to about once a month, if that.I thought maybe it was the birth control that she was taking, but it hasn't improved since she quit taking it. I thought maybe it was her high-stress job, but it didn't improve during a time when she was unemployed. I thought it was my fault but I've tried everything I can think of to get her in the mood. She laughs at me when I try to be romantic - even when I say things that she would have eaten up when we were first dating. When I try to give her a passionate, open-mouth kiss she closes her lips and gives me a peck. I make an effort (and usually succeed) to make her climax at least once almost every time we make love, so I don't think it's anything I'm doing wrong in bed. I've tried coming up with games like strip poker, suggesting we watch porn together and blatantly asking her to have sex with me or even just do me a sexual favor (oral, for example). I've just about given up trying to get her in the mood and just accepted the fact that she'll come to me when she's ready.But what really drives me nuts is that she teases me. Sometimes she plays with my penis, she leads my hands over her breasts and butt, she grinds on me in her underwear. It's like she gets a kick out of giving me an erection but she doesn't want anything to do with it when it's up.Could it be that she has a low self image? I mean I always tell her she looks good or sexy, but she usually doesn't believe me (or my erection). Could it be that she has to feel sexy before she can make love to me? I feel better about myself when I know she wants me, is the feeling not mutual?I love her to death and I enjoy her company but I'm not sure I can go the rest of my life having sex once a month or less. But at the same time I don't think I could ever leave her for this. If anyone has a suggestion please tell me.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 August 2009): I don't have any good advice, just wanted to jump in and say, I feel for you! I found myself in the exact same position, even played board games for sex and then was made to feel like I had just prostituted my boyfriend when he had to 'pay up'.
It is a very tough situation, in my case, I left the relationship. I could have lived with the no sex somehow if it was a medical issue, but that wasn't the case...my boyfriend was a porn addict.
I could only advise that perhaps you take a vacation alone...they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and that was the only thing that ever ignited passion in my ex. but it is an expensive route.
A
female
reader, -NothingLasts4ever-  +, writes (4 August 2009):
 I don't agree with the other post. Just because she doesn't want to have sex doesn't mean she doesn't want you anymore.
It's probably just something to do with the fact you now live together and see each other everyday. Before you weren't always there with her but now you are. Maybe it's because she knows you'll be there all the time she doesn't feel the need to have sex as often as before.
Personally I think you need to talk to her about it and let her know that it's getting to you and you don't understand why the sudden stop.
Hope this helps x
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