A
female
age
51-59,
*ozo
writes:i can just take it or leave it, but even when i take it, i never have an orgasm or come with my partner. i never have with any partner. im 37 and i realise it must be a mental thing but i love and trust this guy im with so what the hell is my problem?when i use a vibrator i do come. i dont seem to have a any sex drive at all, and i only feel like i want it when im pissed. but always end up faking it. please help..
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, DoubleM  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Okay, this is not likely any physical or medical problem, or even psychological, but most likely the same difficulty that women worldwide encounter. That is, men in their lives who do not understand what makes a woman tick - especially regarding the female orgasm and what it usually takes to get there.
Women are much more complex than men, but capable of incredible sexual pleasure, if only the guys knew or cared how to take them there rather than mostly seek their selfish satisfaction. In a nutshell, the clitoris is just the tip of the iceberg to a highly specialized "pleasure cente"r that most women never fully realize is possible, and most men know nada about.
Short of me writing another book tonight, consider the excellent volume by Dr. Ian Kerner titled "She Comes First," (2004), certainly available online or perhaps at a local book store. Then there is, "The Complete Idiot's Guide to Kama Sutra," which helps explain some 2,000 years of pleasuring.
Both of these and a few others deal with all that most men do not know about pleasing their woman. The old "ram and jam" just ain't what women want or need to experience sexual satisfaction, and unfortunately, throughout a lifetime, many females never even realize all the pleasure they have missed.
End of tonight's dissertation, but IF you orgasm via use of a vibrator or masturbation, you will certainly find ecstasy with your man if he is willing to study and employ the centuries worth of knowledge at his fingertips to the tip of his tongue for you.
Have him at least read my "how to" by entering "cunnilingus" into the search field at top right on this web site. Best wishes, DoubleM
A
male
reader, leonard j. Douglas  +, writes (8 February 2008):
When a man's penis is stroking your vagina, his glans of penis, the head of his penis, is directly being stimulated by the vaginal walls, whereas his penis may only be indirectly stimulating your Love-Button, your clitoris. And just as his head of penis needs to be directly stimulated, so does your glans of clitoris, if you are to have your orgasm or orgasms. I say orgasms because lots of women don't know that they are capable of multi-orgasms. Lots of things go into a healthy sexual relationship, so I would look at a good medical-check-up to see how you are doing in this arena. Then look at your mental out-look on having sex.
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (8 February 2008):
 Hi,
I understand that a lot of women can't orgasm through penetration only. So you are not alone there. But can your partner not get you off through oral stimulation?
Have you thought about using your vibrator to stimulate your clitoris while you are having sex? Would he mind?
Is your partner an accomplished lover? You may just have been with men who are not very good lovers? There are so many reasons here.
I'm outta ideas, I hope some of the female aunts will give better advice ! :)
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