A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is always really swamped with work, and usually I am too. However, he's always had a huge sex drive, and I a medium one. I'd try really hard to get in the mood, even when I naturally wasn't, and he seemed to be supportive when I couldn't go on. I got off the birth control shot a few months ago, and my sex drive went way up. But he's been having a hard time keeping up, and it seems like were having even less sex than before. We're really happy, and got engaged a few months ago as well, so we really don't want to call it quits. I'd prefer to work it out, but the thing is, I just don't know what to do. I don't like masturbation, I need that personal connection that love and sex bring. I guess I'm taking it really hard because I understand him being busy, and being really tired, and I just can't bring myself to demand anything. But, I guess his lack of trying makes me mad, and sad. Does anyone have any advise on how to deal with this? Either to get him to set some time aside for me, or some way for me to deal with this? Thank you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIllithid, you're kind of right in that he used to be understanding, and I'm being kind of mean. But, its not like I don't help around the house, make him dinner, or give him massages and encourage him to do his best.In fact, our relationship is very strong because we both do what we can to be supportive of the other (we're both working really hard for our careers).
We used to have more sex, even when this much work was present. Then my libido went up, and we have about 2/3 rd of the sex we used to. So, I get really annoyed because I feel he's not trying, or setting time apart for me.
We live 2 hrs away, we can't have sex on the weekdays, only on weekends.
I take it to heart because I used to at least try, which sometimes lead to me not being able to finish. He doesn't seem to be able to try, mentally he can't fathom having sex when he has so much to do, and I understand.
At one point, I almost broke down and gently asked him if anything was wrong or making him not want to touch me. I guess he sees that I'm not doing well, and told me its just because he's busy, still finds me attractive, and loves me very much. But I don't know if means it. I guess I'm getting really insecure too, because everything was going so well, and this is change I never expected.
A
male
reader, bharat mehta  +, writes (17 February 2010):
 Set your routine, which includes following steps, that can change your entire life, and make it full romantic.
[1] First- learning that: Sex is play with game point of losing and earning. So you both take sex as a game, and decide your game with some rules, and rituals.
[2]The rule about male ejaculation. That, there should be no ejaculation during ten days period, and you will lead only foreplay.
[3]Try to make foreplay or love making more exciting by doing everything you both like...like blow job etc...but firm that no ejaculation for pre-decided period.
[4] Above practice will help to reach you both for high sex drive, quite naturally. But, urging for ejaculative sex will be intense and you will work against your urge will create game of loss and gain.
[5]Be orthodox in following your game rules.
The logical result is quite predictable...you both will live quite romantic life, full of colors and new fresh air.
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A
male
reader, Illithid +, writes (16 February 2010):
 So if I'm reading this right, he used to have a higher libido, but was understanding when you couldn't finish and left him hanging. Now you have a higher libido but are upset that he's not living up to your desires?
Hon, he's busy, tired, and stressed. Help out around the house, calm him down, give massages, be supportive, and understand that even then, he may never be on a high lust streak at the same time you are. I know it's frustrating, but be patient with him like he was with you.
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