A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My roommate and I are supposed to be best friends. Well about six months ago, I dated this girl that I really, really cared about. My roommate knew I really cared for her and knew that when we broke up, it really effected me. Well fast forward six months and this girl and I are friends now, which is great. Well my ex friends my roommate on Facebook completely innocently, because she knows she's my good friend. This doesn't bother me at all. I could care less. But I made sure I told my roommate not to cross any lines with her because I wasn't okay with that. Well I get online today and notice that my roommate has written all over my ex's wall and told her she wants to take her to a football game, and to let her know when, and she will take off work and come up there. She lives a little over an hour away. this flew all over me. I immediately confronted my roommate and told her how inappropriate it was and how crappy I thought it was to do. She defended herself by saying I was completely over reacting and she was just looking to have a friend with the same interests as her. I told her to find her own damn friend and leave my ex's alone. Am I wrong for feeling this way?
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female
reader, cmarieky +, writes (26 April 2012):
Yes your behavior was out of line. You can't prohibit your ex from being friends with others, neither can u prohibit your roommate/bestfriend from being friends with ur ex, or any other person. Once your relationship with the ex ended, she no longer has to respect you or your wishes. Truthfully speaking though, its petty. If you want no ties with her fine, but you cannot righteously control someone else just for the sake of your own self, that would make you quite the selfish friend. In a sense I have empathy, its poor standards to some degree for a close bestfriend you live with to be befriending your ex that you cared deeply for. Your roommate should have a moral compass to indicate to her that she is sailing in murky waters by doing this. Unfortunately she doesn't or doesn't care, which means you will have to come to terms with this. If your age range in your post is correct then you should have wisen with years to know you can't control overs, only you can control how you respond to things you discover and feel. Control you.....then situations like this wouldn't get the better of u. No need to have a sit down chat with ur roomy. You will just have to accept that you cannot control others.
A
female
reader, Fallen-Angel-88  +, writes (26 April 2012):
You are not wrong for feeling that way and its one rule i always belive in and thats your friends and your exs are a no go area and they should both respect that. I would sit your friend down again and just make it very clear that your supposed to be her friend and that they should respect your feelings.
Good Luck.
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