A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am in love with a man..He loves me too . Problem is he is already married . Its been 1 and half years since his marriage and he is having a cute daughter of nearly 6 months. In our religion polygamy is allowed. He wants to marry me but problem is my society. In my society getting married with a man who is already married considered a taboo.It is allowed but people don't welcome it with open arms specially if the girl is a virgin or unmarried, as I am.They are OK with a widow or divorcee marrying a married man . He is from another country . We both are of same religion. So this is a great problem. My parents don't know about our love but if I ask them by taking another persons examples .They say that we have to look over the society too. I don't know what should I do ?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 March 2015): Well you have got to decide what is more important to you. Your religion or the society you live in. What makes more sense to you? Whose rules would you rather live by? Keeping your future in mind, and your future children, what value system would you prefer to expose yourself and your future family to in the long term? Would you be happy in a polygamous marriage? Sharing the man that you love with other women? Or do you want to have one husband all to yourself? Ultimately the decision is yours. If polygamy makes you happy and your religion is important to you, then there's your answer. Decide first which value system is more important to you. Society's or your religion's. And once you decide, stick to your choice and your decisions from there on will be easier for you to make.
A
male
reader, Xearo  +, writes (9 March 2015):
Underneath everything, I feel like you can do a lot better for yourself. I do not see love because I have not read any sentences that describe love, but you say he loves you. How does he love you? He loves you so much that you must hide from your parents and from society? What man could really want this?
There lots of other great guys out there who will treat you like the princess you deserve to be for the long run, who are not already taken. In life, you must pick your battles. If you want to pursue this, there is no advice I can ever give that will make it easier.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 March 2015): I don't think you have anything to worry about; because it isn't going to happen. That guy must be filling your head with a lot of nonsense. On top of that, he's a foreigner with different cultural traditions.
"Polygyny" may be recognized under Sharia law in India. However; many developing countries are abolishing it. It is more recognized in Muslim nations. If you're both Muslims, you share beliefs. If he is a foreigner (perhaps Arab), his religious practices may be far different from your own. You may be treated differently in his country. You left out a lot of things, but I can fill in the blanks. You must have met this man online.
Your parents don't know about your goings-on with a married-man. I think he is just taking advantage of a very young, naive, and rebellious young woman. I assure you, your parents are going to give you a very hard time when they find-out. You kept him secret from them; because you know they won't approve. You're too young and inexperienced to deal with all this. You have no idea what you're doing!!!
What should you do? Nothing.
Get all those wild notions out of your head, get a good education; and marry someone who wants only one wife. Make yourself happy, and your parents proud. You don't want to share a man with some other woman, who may hate you for it. Do you? I pray your parents find-out before you do something that could be very harmful to yourself!
You're also forgetting if he can have several wives, he can have his favorite. She may not be you. Often the wives don't get along. Men who take several wives don't often treat women very well. You would be considered his property.
You forgot, you don't just get the man; his first wife comes with the package! Just because it is allowed, doesn't mean you'll be happy sharing a husband with another woman. A possibly jealous and scornful woman who could make it her mission to make your life a living hell. You forgot about her and her feelings, didn't you?
If you are online with some foreign guy enticing you into marriage, you are being a foolish girl; in defiance of your parent's wisdom and protection! There are innocent young girls around the world being enticed to bad places by bad men. I hope you aren't one of those very foolish young women!
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (9 March 2015):
 If you marry him you have to deal with people giving you dirty looks or gossip behind your back. This is your first relationship, I believe you should try dating one on one to see what you prefer better. I guess when you grow up with a religion accepting polygamy, you don't know how to feel sad about missing out on a monogamous relationship. As one raised in a dominant monogamous culture, I would always look at someone who's involved with polygamy as settling and being second fiddle. I am sure there are happy people in a polygamy setting, but more if they are in group marriages versus one man multiple wives. I watched documentaries about muslim men having 4 wives and there are jealousy issues. The wives are workers more than anything. The husband gets another wife when the first wife stops wanting to have sex. Even his mother says it's all about the sex. Your religion accepts polygamy but religion is man made. Male made to suit them, and not really in women's best interests. You see his daughter is 6 months. Why does he want to get married again? That's because his life is all about taking care of the baby. Work, and little sleep. His wife feels too tired to have sex. Marrying him means that he gets to indulge in selfish fantasies while his wife feels neglected. Sometimes you have to think about the woman too, not just what religion allows you to do. Basically a second marriage means he doesn't have to cheat. It's less about love.
I think being in a monogamous relationship benefits you more.
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