A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 25 and live with my sister and brother-in-law. I came here in search of job and am being here since 4 months. its the same time my b.i.l lost his job and was staying home. i love my sister very much and my b.i.l too, in fact respect my b.i.l as he helped me in many ways like guiding me through my tough times. I behave very close to him. I feel myself as their kid when they both are around. That's how they look after me but something strange is happening these days.As my b.i.l is staying home and being with me for long time, he started discussing about his life, I thought it is because we are getting to know each other more but later he started behaving very different to me. He actually hugged me and kissed me too. I suddenly came away from him and banged my door closed. He came into my room and said he felt too bad that I banged the door and said how should he feel then. I don't know how am I supposed to feel then. I thought it was very wrong of me to think of that way, maybe he is good to me and has no bad intentions towards me and I hugged him out of love as my brother in law. I had no other intentions then but he continued doing so. One day he advanced more. I am very much worried about my sister. Why is he doing this to me? I don't know... should I tell this to my sister? I don't want to ruin their relationship. I can't even say this to my parents as they live far away from us. I can't drag anybody into this and ruin any relation here but how am I supposed to deal with my b.i.l. When I try to stop him, he says he don't think he is doing anything wrong and this is how a brother in law and sister in law relation shud be. Damn, I don't think so. I still respect him as he looks after my sister very well. I don't know what to do. Never have I been in a relationship with anybody, I mean I never had a boyfriend and am worried what if I start acting according to my b.i.l's acts, what if I respond to him. I don't know how to handle this situation.
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lost his job, never had a boyfriend, sister in law Reply to this Question
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female
reader, hibiscus  +, writes (4 November 2008):
yes, although you don't want that to happen, how would you feel if he turned the situation on you and made it seem as if you were the one advancing? Would it be better if your sister and everyone else turned on you?
Please wake up and smell the coffee....unless you are into that sort of thing. Don't keep it to yourself. Blood is suppose to be thicker than water. Boyfriends come and go, but once a meddling player, always a meddling player.
I have seen it where boyfriends hit on their girlfriends sisters (who don't tell) and the the girlfriends friends, and even worse, the girlfriends sister's daughter.
I am not saying these things to be mean, but you should put your foot down and not let him advance at all.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 November 2008): You and I are both having the same situation but in my situation, I'm dealing with my older sister's boyfriend, and of course if I tell MY parents, my older sister, brother, or my other older sisters they will all turn against my sister's boyfriend and my sister will probably break up with him and I don't want that to happen also.
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A
female
reader, hibiscus +, writes (1 November 2008):
Hi, please keep us posted on the situation. And most importantly, don't let your guard down
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A
female
reader, littlesuziepie +, writes (1 November 2008):
 I agree with the first poster. You need to refuse his advances toward you if its anything other than an encouraging hug.You should tell him how you feel and how you respect him but do not want to be sexual in any way with him. Tell him how it will be so bad for your sister and his relationship with her. Tell him how good you feel with them and that you don't want anything to ruin that. Hopefully he will agree with you and things will be fine. Be strong sweet heart. Never ever be pressured into something you don't want and its never your fault. If he doesn't stop or back off then you need to tell your sister everything. Be honest with her. She doesn't need to be with a bad man so If he is a bad man you should Tell her so she can n with a good man.
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A
female
reader, Dreaming +, writes (31 October 2008):
Move out! he is coming on to you by the sounds of it and you dont need the hassle. Dont wait for it to get worse.
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A
female
reader, hibiscus +, writes (31 October 2008):
Hi, you should trust your gut instincts and intuition. I think you should tell your sister. Think of how badly things could turn out if you don't tell her. I know you don't want to hurt her, but in the long run you will be hurting her more. Shame on your brother in law for doing what he is doing. That is just wrong. It is not all in the family. do not in anyway involve yourself with him. If you feel what he is doing is wrong, chances are it is is wrong. It's better to be cautious than sorry. Your sister is your sister, and an unwanted threesome is just that....unwanted. I am not sure where your parents are, but for your own sanity, talk to your sister and if you can, talk to your parents. Again, if you feel what he is doing is wrong, then it is wrong.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2008): stop that stuff now just tell him too stop. if you love your sister you will tell her
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