A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together a little over a year. We both tell eachother all the time how we have never loved anyone more than we love eachother. We talk about marriage and having kids one day. We both have been through horrible relationships so we are both ready to settle down. But I just recently lost my job and I moved back in mith my mom. I've been staying with him a few nights a week but he is having trouble paying the bills. I have only been out of the job for about 2 weeks now but Iam determind to find another one and go back to school. I promised him that as soon as I do I will help him with the bills. But since I moved out we have been slowly falling apart. We argue all the time and sometimes it gets to the point where one of us usually leaves and we don't talk to eachother all night and sometimes the next day. I know we are both madly in love with eachother and we both don't want anyone else and I know we have only been together for a little over a year but we both want to stay together. Our sex drive has slowed down alot too. It use to be amazing! about 4 or 5 times a day! now it's more like 2 or 3 times a week. what can I do to make everything better? I know I need to get a job and that will help alot but what else I can I do?!
View related questions:
moved out, sex drive Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Biancaaa.x.  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 can't any of your other relatives help? just for a little bit untill you are back on your feet? im sure you will be able to pay them back if they wanted after a few weeks/months having a job... and the arguments well, it will all stop i promise, its just the stress of the money and not being together as much as usual is getting everyone abit moody... so both of you don't take it to heart, it will get better soon, in the mean time, just tell your self and your partner that its going to be okay, everyone near enough (who ain't as rich as the actresses/singers)etc will go through this, so please not to worry, just all you have to do is look for a job, and you can't do that as fast as you can, worrying about your relationship with your partner, just focus getting a job, because the sooner, the better, and the sooner it will stop creating arguments for the both of you, and you will soon be happy again, if not then just have to speak to him about how you and him feel, but im sure if it started by the loss of your job, im sure when you get it back again, everything will be back as normal, i really hope you and your partner stick together, you seem a good couple, so don't let eachother go, you both can get through this aslong as you have eachother, i hope this helps (: xxxx
A
female
reader, BeSimplyTrue +, writes (18 August 2010):
 It sounds like you both are incredibly stressed out for legitimate reasons but you're both having trouble keeping that separate from your relationship with each other. I think maybe you both need to verbally acknowledge, out loud, that you are feeling pressure and anxiety about your circumstances but you're not blaming each other (...unless you are, which is a whole other scenario).
I say this from experience, as I think it really does help. My boyfriend and I can be pretty sensitive about work and family issues, and when one of us senses that the other one is distant, irritable, or panicked about work, we can get pretty distant, irritable, etc. in return. Then one of us has to wise up and acknowledge, "There's nothing wrong with the two of us, I'm not mad at you, and I don't think you're mad at me. It seems like you're upset though. What is wrong?" and then we can get that out of the way. Sometimes that leads into a conversation about the stressful family or work topic and sometimes we can just answer, "Oh, I'm worried about this project at work," or "My mom and I had a fight, but I don't need to talk about it," and then we move on to a soothing activity like watching a movie or cooking dinner. You can sometimes feel the tension evaporating after the topic is brought out into the open.
It's natural for one's sex life to suffer when one or both partners is under stress, I hope you know. It sucks, because then it can add another level of stress to the situation, but that's just life and the human libido. Maybe now, while you're looking for a job and stuff, this is the time to really nurture your relationship and dig deep to be extra patient and loving with him. After all, you love him and want to stay with him.
Maybe it would help to remind yourself, "I love him and want to stay with him," every time he starts being annoying and argumentative, or whatever the problem is. Also remember to put yourself in his shoes, and ask him to put himself in your shoes, when an argument begins erupting. Take a moment and try to calm yourself down and calm him down. It can be done, you just need to make it a goal to practice! Good luck!
...............................
|
