A
female
 ,
*asteofIndia
writes:My relationship is completely wonderful. Everything is totally right between us, and we are filled with love for each other. It would be perfect except for this one REALLY BIG THING. Location. How the hell do you figure this stuff out? I met my man here on the West Coast (OR) where he lives nearly three years ago. I didn't move here with the intent of STAYING here, I came here to help a friend adjust for a few months and then my plan was to return to home - the East Coast (NY) and carry on. Well, long story short - my wussy friend who I came out here to help wussed out and left me here stuck with a year long lease to finish out. It was just too expensive to break the lease.Well, in the time that followed, my man and I really got close. We had started dating within a week of me moving here and the connection was instant. I lost my virginity to him (which I had been saving for that special someone. I know I made the right choice. Hooray!), moved in with him a year in and now here we are at almost three years and everything is great. We talk about marriage and kids quite openly and know that it's ultimately in the plan. Our families really like each other. We are excited about our life together.Here is the problem. Since my friend left, I have been dying to go home. My dream college is back there, my family (with whom I'm really close. I miss my sister!! She's a mere 13, she needs some big sister guidance and fun), my friends, my life. I feel too disconnected out here from all of that and it's just where I want to be. However, my darling man has his home out here. He dreads moving to the East Coast, he just rather stay out here. He worries that he won't be able to find a job on the East Coast (he is a graphic designer). By the way, he is 26 and I am just about to turn 22.This is just too hard to figure out on our own... so I thought I'd ask my good friends here at Dear Cupid. How do you figure out the location drama? Thank you!!!!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, lotus mama808 +, writes (21 June 2008):
 Research!!! If the reason he doesnt want to leave the west coast (which is where I am originally from) is because of work, research it on-line. "Graphic designers in NY". Help him feel comfertable with it. Howevr, I must say, because thats where I grew up, it is very hard to leave the west coast. I dont really know why, but there is just a vibe there that people get that makes tem not want to, or unable to leave, for one reason or another. I am the only one in my family that actually planted roots elsewhere (FURTHER WEST!!), and everytime I try to get them to come out to see me it's always, "I cant afford it", or "I can't get time off work", or "I'm saving to come out" (which is so untrue). So, it might be hard to get him to budge from the idea, but not impossible. Do the research, get him information about NY that will make him feel comfertable and excited to go there with you. Good luck!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 June 2008): If this guy is your "life" and you can see yourself having a happy future with him; is there not other alternatives that you could consider; such as visiting your family more often; even maybe your little sister visiting you during school holidays?
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A
male
reader, loveguru23 +, writes (21 June 2008):
Location can be alittle tricky. You both have to compromise on a few things.
But here's a few thoughts...
Since he is a graphic designer
there are places he can go (on the east coast)that can guide him in the right directions. He may even be able to get referrals from some people on the West about who he may be able to link up with. There are also schools, desginer businesses, etc...that may be able to help him as well.
If he still decides not to go...you have to make a big decision whether or not you're willing to stay.
You don't want to put everything in your life on hold for him...which is why COMPROMISING is the key to keeping this relationship going.
Daniel Amis, Author & Relationship Coach
www.relationshipadvice4you.com
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