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male
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*ulky-N-MO
writes: I'm gay and my boyfriend and I have been together now for almost three months. He was in the closet until a little over a year ago and in high school he dated girls to keep appearances up and had sex with one or two of them. He grew up in a church family and he had never touched alcohol until a year ago. He had not been totally drunk until last July when a girl friend of his came to visit him and she got him drunk and they had sex. He's gay and having sex with a girl is a little strange because most gay guys don't get turned on by girls enough to get an erection. He got turned. So turned on he jumped on top her a second time and they had sex again! They are still friends and I went out of town with him and her and another one of their friends and I thought it was awkward to be there with those two goofing around since they had sex. I also have a problem with the fact that my boyfriend and the same girl he had sex with will be taking a five day bike trip this summer together. Should I feel weird about them doing these things together? He had sex with her twice in one night, so can he fall to temptation again? What can I do or say to keep him from doing anything with her again?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (14 January 2006):
 Yes everybody else is right and i am horribly wrong, he didnt cheat. Kind of changes what i would say. He does seem to be bi-sexual but he is with you now. Talk to him about it and I am sure he will give you the reassurence you need. I got kind of confused cause you said about the temptation. Sorrrrrrry.
A
male
reader, Mr.Ed +, writes (14 January 2006):
 I'm sorry your feelings are hurt but you seem to have forgotten one thing. He's bi-sexual! Your right in the assumption that the majority of gay men do not get turned on by women. Physically, they are the same as the rest but not built the same as for chemistry. It is a pschycological chemical compound needed to stimulate the male organs. Bi-sexual tendencies have both chemicals induced into their brains. It's perfectly natural for him to get an erection from either sex. However; did you make it perfectly clear the two of you were exclusive? If you didn't you'd better sit him down and have a long talk about what YOUR expectations are. If he is truely bi- then you will have your hands full from now on. Not that he's not wonderful for you and toward you. He has to deal with two issues while you have to deal with one. Most of us do deal with one. My wife always says I have gay tendencies (to a degree I'll agree), but tendencies don't control my lust for her. Regardless; I think you just need to have a heart to heart with him and tell him how you feel. Just don't be suprised when he can't help himself. I don't agree he cheated since this happened before you two have been together. Good luck
Sincerely
Ed
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2006): You should talk with him about the way that you are feeling, but He didn't cheat on you, he was in the relationship already with a girl wasn't he? so technically he wasn't cheating. If you were going out already and he slept with her then yeah, he was unfaithful to you!
Maybe they're good friends that wanna hang out together, but if she has the tendancy to get him drunk and take advantage of the situation then she is taking advantage of him and your relationship in thinking that she can have a "quick one" with him whenever, and wherever.
I think let him know how you feel, and that this bothers you, and that you are in a relationship together, and that there should be no one else sharing your bed, and that you are comitted in this relationship and both of you should make the effort to make it work successfully.
I Hope this helps.
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A
male
reader, Dazzerg +, writes (14 January 2006):
Well from what i can see you do have a right to feel weird. Whatever the sexual orientation I would tend to view what your boyfriend did as cheating. Although I am straight, I have had a bi-sexual female partner. Joking aside about the typical male fantasy of girl-on-girl I would have certainly considered it cheating if she had actually slept with another girl.
Reading your post I wonder if deep down you feel the same. Hurt because you were cheated on? When you put 'goofing around'it seemed almost a resentful remark which is totally natural under the circumstances. I wonder if what is not at question here is his sexual orientation as much as whether you can trust them together. I would say it is possible he could fall into temptation. I am not sure there is allot you can say.I think maybe you need to talk about how you feel to him and your concerns and see what arises from there.
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