A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am engaged to my long term boyfriend. This has been a recent engagement and I was very happy. However, I ran into my university ex at the weekend or I have rarely thought about in five years. It was nice to have a quick catch up. Since seeing him I now can't stop thinking about him. I want to see him again and I'm starting to do the what if thoughts. I have no idea where this has come from.but I can't stop thinking about him. Should I not be getting engaged ? I don't want to date this other guy again, I just really love his company.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 March 2016):
 You saw him, the good times cam flooding back, you remembered you loved his company and now BAM doubts are in your head, wondering if you are with the right man, is getting married the right thing to do if you are thinking about your ex.
Well lets think back to the relationship with your ex, it couldn't have been all good could it have been? Because if it was well then you wouldn't be broke up. Try and think about the bad times, write down all the bad things and then tell yourself that you cannot be friends with an ex because well lets face it they where never our friend.
Now on to you and your fiance. Do you see him as your husband? Had you any doubts when he asked you to be his wife? Can you be committed to him for the rest of your life? Have a long hard think about it, marriage is something that is very serious and you must be sure, it should not be taking to lightly. However after saying that, my guess is a lot of people get small doubts.
A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (7 March 2016):
 There is a reason that he is your Ex: it is because that was a failed relationship. It wasn't a friendship neither, so to pretend that it is a friendship now is to deny the fact that it is a failed relationship. I can only suspect what reasons he wants to be a "friend" to you, but you got no business being a friend to him. Your job is to be a wife of your man with whom you will have a relationship and to whom you can be a friend as well since you desire one so much. To include your failed relationship in your new mix is to unnecessarily temp yourself into infidelity. Since there is no point, and you very well know that nothing good can come out your ex, therefore don't be friend, don't be anything. Keep him in no contact, don't ever see, zone.
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A
female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (7 March 2016):
If you ARE feeling some doubts, I think you should try to find the reasons why. Maybe, there were some unresolved issues that you never really let go with your past relationship from your ex. You need to be clear with yourself that, in your heart, you no longer have feelings for him and see no future with him again. It's better you figure out WHERE the doubts are coming from now and deal with it, than get married and question your marriage later. It's not fair to your future partner in life. The core issues you have may not even be related to your ex but is really about yourself. Talk it out with someone if you can't internalize it on your own. Or see a priest/pastor/counselor, a 3rd party that can give you unbiased advice. But DON'T just brush the doubts under the rug.
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