A
female
age
30-35,
*icki-b
writes:i was raped when i was 9 and the person who did it said it was normal and all the famous porn stars did it. and now i despise porn iv told my boyfriend and he stoped watching it but lately iv found hes been looking at mags and he said he wasn't i dont think he respects my feelings! but when he watched porn he compared me to the girl on there and it really hurt me and i dont want it to happen again i cant even let him look at my body and when he talks or even mentions it i get really upset and we argue like mad and i end up splitting up with him am i better off without him please help!!!!
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female
reader, willow73 +, writes (24 July 2007):
 Hi there,
I read your post and i have to say that i also have had problems in my relationships because of sexual abuse as a child and as a result i to hate porn. I recently had similar arguements with my long time partner due to things he had been doing concerning porn and i explained to him the problems i have because of the abuse and how i struggle to trust people when i know i've been lied to. I feel you have the similar issues because of how the rape made you feel, you should talk to your partner indepth about how him looking at porn makes you feel if he truely cares for you he will understand and stop with the porn.
I do believe that you could also for yourself seek counciling as it can be beneficial to your well being not only now but for your future. Unfortunately after suffering any kind of abuse as a child it can stay with you for life.Im not saying that you haven't come to terms with the rape and the fact that it wasn't your fault but there are little things can trigger feelings within us which have laid domant for many years. Most people who have been sexually abused in some way as a child may have many times in their life when feelings will resurface, that can cause upset to different aspects of their life and i feel you could explore this in counciling and how the rape affects you now whether it be trust, sexual issues, lack of confidence or any thing else. It can help, i have gone to counciling in the past and i understand my feelings alot better now.
If you find your boyfriend does not listen or understand your feelings in this matter then personally i would leave and find someone who does.The way i see it, it's basic respect for someones feelings and if someone can't respect mine then they have no place with me. You don't need someone in your life which is going to help these feelings resurface and cause you unhappiness you've had enough of that already.
i wish you well and if you want to talk im always here for you just email me.
Good luck
A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (23 July 2007):
 You know, that rapist did more to you than rape you. You are still agonizing over what he said. You know, dear, rape IS NOT normal, and I see you know it. The most pressing need you have, as I see it, is getting over the rape. I'm not sure whether you have tried it, but some counselling could help you. You still have bad scars from it, and it's only natural.
Your boyfriend should be more careful about you. However, I'm not sure whether he knows the reason why you hate porn. Men usually don't give importance to porn, and, if you haven't told him your reason (which would be YOUR choice), maybe he thinks you're just jealous. I'm not defending him, but maybe he's unaware of what he is doing to you. I do think he should take your feelings more in consideration. Perhaps if you told him that someone made you feel bad about porn, that it's a big issue for you, he'll be more careful.
My heart is with you. I am so sorry about what happened to you.
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A
male
reader, blaz£ +, writes (23 July 2007):
 tell him that you will break up with him if he watches it.to be honest if he likes you why is he watching porn?is he thinking bout u with his head, or his d**k?chances are if youve found out he may have been doing it before and slipped up. dont limit yourself to thinking this was the only time...:(x
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