A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,I have a question about what is happening with a girl I recently met. She was casually introduced to me by a fencing teammate of mine and it turned out that we had the same double major and were in 3 of the same classes. A few days ago she asked to meet with me to borrow my vector tensor calculus notes, so we met at the library. I gave her the notes and answered a few of her questions on the material. I often tutor people, so that was normal. Afterward, however, we spoke for 1.5 hours without noticing it. We discussed physics, math, future plans, politics etc. It is very unusual because I am usually rather shy and don't talk often, and people don't often talk to me. I tested to see if she wanted to leave a few times, but she wanted to continue, so I am certain that she was not doing it because I would not leave her alone. I only left when I did because I had a meeting to get to, and otherwise we would have probably talked longer. Anyway, today we had a lengthy fencing competition, and she came along as photographer (this was the context I had initially met her in). Anyway, I saw her there several times, and spoke to her briefly once or twice. On the ride there, I had been asleep (at 6:00, who could blame me), but on the ride home she sat with me (and not for lack of seats), and we conversed for the hour or so that it took to get back and found that we had some related/common interests. I had mentioned that I was moving off campus next year, and she immediately offered to join her and her housemate. My question is, why does she want to talk to me? Is she just a social person who converses with everyone or does this seem like she wants to speak with me in particular? She is very nice, but it is unusual for pleasant attractive girls to want to talk to me (as self pitying as that sounds, it is true). Also, dependent on your response, how should I behave around her?Thank you,AM
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male
reader, PeterPan +, writes (24 February 2009):
 I read this and had flashbacks to my college life -- thanks for that!!
OK, so she's pretty chatty with you. This is obviously a great thing, but you're trying to weigh it against the grand scheme of things -- how do you tell if she's interested in you and not just talking. So, to that I suggest not necessarily paying attention to what she says to you; it's time to start paying attention to body language as well. I'm not going to give you the primer on it (Google it and I'm sure you'll find more than enough reading material, not to mention in the library). Sitting with you when there are more than enough open seats is a good sign! So are the other things like wanting to continue the conversation you initially had.
Another indicator is to check out how she is around others. Is she conversing with them as much as she is with you? The offer of moving into her off-campus housing was a little forward, but it could simply be a kind gesture...
Personally, I think you've got a good thing going here. I would suggest that you not try to concentrate or worry about it too much. Letting things happen naturally without forcing the issue would be advised. As far as how to behave around her, be yourself and don't pretend to be anything else. Hey, she's liking you for who you are, not who you're pretending to be!
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