A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My issue is with a male coworker. I don't know what to think. I initially worked with the company, left, then came back 5 years later. When I was there initally, we were good friends and joked around alot. He even came to my wedding reception with his wife.When I came back to work with the company after 5 yrs he was still there but divorced. He asked me if I was still married (I thought jokingly). He was mean to me at first telling me 'I had been replaced' 'Go back to your other job', etc but at the same time was flirty (messing with the things on my cube, saying 'here I am' if I was talking to someone else, etc.. He even said he was only mean to me in front of other people but nice to me 1:1.He continues to be flirty at times, jokes with me, as he does everyone but it seems to be on a different level to me. He tells me he loves me (I assume jokingly), he is very sexual with me at times (even asking me if I had sex with my husband when we went out of town). I find him staring at me at times. He calls me sometimes on my cell phone (but always blocks his number)for no real reason. He seems to go in cycles of flirty/fun then cool off period and then flirty/fun again. This man is well liked and I admit to joking with him on some sexual levels but I don't know what his motives are. He kids with everyone- even sexually but I am sure he doesn't ask them if they 'are wet' or talk about the size (jokingly) of his penis or send pics from his personal email that are sexual. My question is, is my friend wanting more or just being flirty or what?He gave me a box of lemonheads for valentine's day and never explained why. He just said they made him think of me.Sometimes he is so private with me and other times so open. I don't know how to decipher our relationship.What are your thoughts?
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female
reader, dearkelja +, writes (6 June 2008):
 Given your age, I would stay away from this man. I think he is toying with you and being passive aggressive. His motivations are sexual for sure.
Do you really want this guy for a friend? Would you allow your girlfriends to tease you like he is doing, sexually? He is showing very little respect for you as a person and you need to think about what you want in a friend. I have plenty of male friends and there are just some topics that are out of bounds....and I am single! Asking me if I had sex over a weekend, if I am wet, and for sure I don't want some "friend" who can't be up front about his intentions or who is passive aggressive about how he treats me.
Now, if you were single, you'd have to ask yourself if this is the kind of man you'd want for a significant other. Not me, man, I'd be running the other way. He has all the makings of a dirty old man. If he is not the kind of person you can go to and ask, what kind of friendship is this, then maybe you'd be best off without the friendship. Sounds like it's causing you more strife than the worth it's giving you.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2008): It seems obvious to me that he is wanting to be more than 'friends'.
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