A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm 18 years old and a freshman in college. One of my professors is always hitting on me. I'm not saying this to sound conceited, I'm saying it 'cause I know. The other day he told me I looked gorgeous. Also, in my college we have our teacher's numbers and he's always texting me and reminding me of things that are due in his class. I told my roommate about this and she said that he never texts anyone else reminding them. After these times, I never took much notice into it. But then I really started noticing it after this time. I go to a really large college and my last class was almost a mile away from my dorm. It was pretty late and it was a nice day so I wanted to get the exercise. I saw my professor driving by and he offered me a ride. So I got in his car and he drove me back to my dorm. Then before I left he asked me if I wanted to get a bite to eat with him sometime. I just kind of smiled and said "yeah, maybe" PLEASE don't delete my question! I really wanna know ('cause I'm new to the whole college atmosphere) if this is just how some professors treat their students. Note that I am 18 turning 19 in January and am of legal age. My professor is 38, single, and very attractive. Just please someone give me advice on what to do next!
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female
reader, Miamine  +, writes (11 December 2011):
 There should be no personal relations between student and teacher, what he is doing is abusive, he's trying to get you into bed. You risk being thrown out of school, you risk having your marks downgraded, you need to put a stop to this immediately.
Keep any text messages he sends as evidence in case you need it. Do you have a mentor, a professor who is supposed to take care of you, or do you have a students union or college counselling service. You can discuss it with any of these people, and if you feel uncomfortable you can ask them to keep it confidential and private.
Don't accept lifts from him, what happens if he rapes you. If he's sleazy enough to hit on a young girl who he is teaching, he is sleazy enough to do anything..
Next time he makes any personal comments, tell him.. "look sir, I come to school to learn, not to flirt with the teacher, your making me uncomfortable so I suggest you back off, before I get angry and report you to someone."
That should do the trick... If you tell him off and you notice your grades are marked down, go to the students union or the head of department and ask them for help to have your papers independently marked and reviewed.
Guys like this, they think all young women are stupid.. tell him to fuck off, and he'll go away and start bothering some other naive young girl.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2011): I was actually engaged to my former professor!! He hit on me and since I was really vulnerable, I fell for his advances. It took 3 years of my life to understand there was a huge imbalance of power. He was a control freak. During the 3 rd year, I had gotten a masters degree and found a great job. He was jealous we were now making the same money and had the same level of education. Since I was already a senior, and he was 25 , there wasn't much of an age difference. But, he still held the power. Also, I found out he dated other girls besides me. Don't date this guy!! He's in the wrong.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2011): Two things tell me the professor is misbehaving -- saying you are gorgeous, and offering dinner with you alone. These firmly cross the line of the teacher-student boundary. It looks like he is being very clever not to be blatant or to say things with witnesses present which could be use in a formal complaint to your school.Your best bet as a student is to ensure there is a witness when you are with him (explain to a good friend he is hitting on you and you'd like their company when with him); and to point out the boundary when it is crossed ("I don't think it is appropriate for a professor to comment on their student's body"). This sends a message to the professor that you are aware of what he is doing, you don't approve, and that escalation will cause him trouble.Now some men don't like rejection, so there's always the chance of blowback. For this reason, keep those text messages and quietly ask your friends who have noted his behaviour to write a diary note recording their observations. These would form the third-party evidence if a formal complaint becomes necessary."Also, in my college we have our teacher's numbers". When you've been at the college for some time and find yourself being asked about what can be changed, ask for better "protective practices". You should never have been given staffs' direct numbers in the first place, but should have to call via the faculty office.
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A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (8 December 2011):
Yes, unfortunately it does happen, especially when the professor in question is still young-ish and attracted to girls in your age bracket. Personally I think it's a sign of a weak minded person, to lust after his students like that.
Student/Teacher relationships are NEVER a good idea because you are not equals. Your gut feeling seems to tell you this. Listen to it. It's right in these things. He could manipulate you by bringing your grades into play, etc. if you let him. This is not a social situation where you meet on equal ground. Also, the age difference is quite big, putting you at another disadvantage.
So basically he is not only superior in position, he is also superior in life experience. For him to use that to his advantage to try and lure in girls like you is a low thing to do. I had a teacher like him when I was twenty and he kept sending me and this one other girl nice messages bordering on flirty at times. I drew the line when he asked me to hand in my work personally at his apartment. The other girl (she was younger and a bit naive) went and she ended up sleeping with him when he got her drunk. She never filed something against him because she was ashamed.
You handled this well enough, but in the future be more persistent in turning him down. Don't ever accept rides again (who knows what he might try in the future), don't react when he calls you gorgeous and if he asks you for dinner again point out that that you would like to keep the contact between the two of you professional and that you don't think dinner is appropriate. If he persists (which I doubt, but you can never know) pleasantly tell him: "Thanks but no thanks. I like to keep the boundaries between student and teacher in check; I suggest you do the same. See you in class." And then never bring it up again.
Be really consistent in your answers. "No" instead of "maybe". Keep your explanations short and sweet. Don't negotiate with him. Keep your foot down. To every "but" shake your head and end the subject. It might never come to this, but I wanted to point it out. You are in charge here.
Basically you have to give a clear signal you're not interested. It seems like he's testing the waters so it should be enough. If not, do not be afraid to be harder. Also inform trusted classmates if his behavior gets worse. They can keep tabs on him just in case and function as a support system.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 December 2011): Let wisdom prevail and leave the Teacher alone to do his Job. Some colleges have very STRICT Rules against DATING Co-Eds as it can come across as favouritism and cause contention and his ability to do his job PROFESSIONALLY and remain UNBIASED would be put on the line. He could stand to lose his job AND have a hard time securing employment elsewhere.
"Iowa State University, Syracuse University and the University of New Mexico have instituted no tolerance policies towards these relationships -- and these schools are not alone." ~ The TUFFS Daily
He's acting stupidly and immaturely. 38 years old? He should know better. His Job should matter more and especially in the economic times of your Country.
If he is interested in pursuing a relationship, he can wait until you are out of college.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 December 2011):
 Here's the advice you want/need.....
STAY AWAY FROM HIM!!!! Student-teacher "relationships" are NOT meant to be.... they come from an imbalance in power.... and that means HE is more in control than YOU are!!!!! In many/most institutions, such a "relationship" is grounds for sanctions/termination of the offending faculty member..... and there's a reason for that....
I suggest you spend your time paying attention to your classmates and other young men on campus, and chalk this up to a misunderstanding on your part.
IF the creep should actually PURSUE you... then let that be known to the school administration. IF he does this to you..... it's quite likely that he has also done this to young coeds in the past, and/or will do so in the future...
Good luck....
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