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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend told me last night that he couldn't 'put up' with me anymore and wanted our relationship over. He said he believed I had too many problems and was always moaning all the time.I have suffered from agoraphobia for a couple of years but am recovering. I do get down and I very much want to get out there and live life; I try to do something everyday that will help me reach the goal of independence and happiness.He wanted us to have separate houses so he could have his space but the thought of returning to my cold and empty house really feels me with despair.I don't have any family close by, it is difficult to visit friends and I feel very down and alone.I still love him and I don't know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, stina  +, writes (1 November 2006):
 Hi Anon,
If your boyfriend said that you were "moaning all the time," I have to ask you - do YOU think you were moaning all the time? If you are still having a problem with agoraphobia, then perhaps you should see a therapist (or continue to see one). That's a terrible problem that nobody should have to deal with - and there are ways of completely overcoming it if you work hard at it. I know you said you're recovering, but I am not sure if that means under the care of a professional.
By any chance, did your boyfriend try to get you to go seek help and you didn't? Is this a reason why he didn't want to "put up" with you anymore? I'm just trying to see it from his perspective, I don't mean any disrespect towards you at all, okay?
If you are in counseling for that, then your boyfriend needs to understand that you're not trying to be a pest. It sounds like he just needs a little more patience and maybe needs to understand better where you're coming from. Have you tried to explain to him WHY you keep moaning - I mean what exactly is the root of the problem. Maybe if he goes with you to a counseling session he would be able to grasp what is happening better? If you feel comfortable with that, maybe you could make that suggestion.
There is also the option of couples counseling. At least that way you two would be able to work on communicating with each other better, you know? It would avoid you having to have seperate houses, too (which is ridiculous if you really want to maintain a healthy relationship for a long time).
As for feeling down and alone, it's most likely because you've just been dumped by your boyfriend. And to top it off, he totally insulted you and made your problems sound like you actually had control over them. Maybe you could see if your friends would want to visit you, since you said it's difficult for you to go visit them. And the same with family.
Just keep trying to stay positive. Keep doing something everyday that will help you reach your goal of independence and happiness. Concentrate on that for a while and things will probably turn around for you more quickly, okay?
Take care.
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2006): I've always felt that sacrifices need to be made in a relationship. If he can't deal with your "problems" then it's his issue not yours. It's always difficult to visit with anybody after a situation like this arises, it will take time. The loneliness will pass eventually. You still love him, if he feels the same things will work out...if not somebody is out there who will accept you for who you are!
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A
female
reader, x-xbabycakesx-x +, writes (1 November 2006):
 i think you need to talk to him and to let him know that you really do love him and that you need him. i get accused of moaning all the time too and i have tried to keep my moaning to myself when i can. if he really is worth it and if he loves you like you love him im sure he may be willing to give it another try once you have had a chat about the way you feel.
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