A
female
age
36-40,
*emalespicolli
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together for...exactly 17 months. We live together, are in a "commited" relationship, and get along really well. A year ago, his ex-girlfriend passed away in a tragic accident, and the year before that his father passed away. The past couple years have been hard for him, understandably.I went to his Ex's funeral with him and watched him speak infront of the crowd, and cry about how much he loved her and will miss her, and I did nothing but support him. Now, I feel like it is time to move on. I recently found a letter that he wrote to her while he was thinking about her.."I've always loved you, you are so beautiful, I think about you every day"...More recently, I have read a couple of emails that he has left up on his laptop. (I know it's very wrong, but I'm so nosey, and it was from a girl.) It said that he was going to visit his ex's parents and that him and her should go out for drinks. I have never heard him talk about this, and i'm kind of feeling suspicious about it.I don't know if my jealousy for someone who is dead is totally wrong, but I can't help but feel like i'm "second best" compared to his dead ex girlfriend. I support and try to sooth his sensitivities, but I feel like it is impedeing on our relationship, and I just wish he'd get over it already. (in the nicest, most sincere way, of course). His ex was awful to him and has done some very cruel things to people. (not that it justifies anything, but she was not a good person.)Am I wrong to feel this way? PLEASE give me some advice, im feeling totally alone and im scared to ask anyone of my friends fearing it is wrong.
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ex girlfriend, his ex, jealous, move on Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2009): Dear "femalespicolli",
Thank you so much for posting the update. I'm almost in the same situation as you've been through before. My boyfriend's ex-wife cheated on him and he's been so heartbroken until now. He can't watch any intimate seen on TV/Movie. It just heart my feeling equally. I love him so much and hopefully he will overcome this soon. thanks again, your posting helps a lot.
A
female
reader, femalespicolli +, writes (2 August 2009):
femalespicolli is verified as being by the original poster of the question Just an update from almost a year later...I suppose time heals all wounds, and my boyfriend is finally over it. I can just feel it. He talks about her less and less, doesn't have old cd's of hers lying around, etc...I feel so much better. It's weird to look back and think about how awful I felt, but it has gotten a lot better. Thanks!
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A
female
reader, femalespicolli +, writes (12 September 2008):
femalespicolli is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTalking about it doesn't help, you're right. I don't think that we would want a break, and I guess it gets easier knowing that he loves me and proves it every single day through his kindness and actions.
It's just hard to know that he's heartbroken at the same time over another girl. It's truly the hardest thing i've been through in any relationship.
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A
female
reader, sappygirl +, writes (11 September 2008):
 i don't think talking will help.
He is in mourning right now. I don't think one year is enough to heal.
It's normal for you to feel jealous, but you cannot compare his ex to you. Or the love he has for his ex..and the love he has for you. It's two different things.
I know you want all the attention directed at you, but the fact of the matter is , he is hurting too much to give anything to anyone right now. These thing take a lot of time.
The only thing to do is wait, be patient, and he will come around. OR if you can't handle it, take a break until he's ready to give and love again.
Also, trust is very important in a relationship. He could be catching up with a friend of his ex to heal and reminise. it doesn't mean he's cheating. Jealousy is a sign of insecurity. So stop thinking too much.
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A
female
reader, femalespicolli +, writes (11 September 2008):
femalespicolli is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for yoru advice...i did talk about it to him, but im not sure that he understands what i'm saying. He thinks im just jealous PERIOD, and i'm not sure how to explain to him how I just want to move on already from this situation, not prolong it by visiting her hometown and her parents.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 September 2008): i dont think your wrong in what way your being in this situation...
i dunno what its like to be in your situation it must be hard...
my boyfriend has a baby and she is always tryin to make trouble and thats hard,
i think you should sit him down and talk to him its always the best solution..
figure out how your going to say it to him before you do so it doesnt come out in a way he wont like...
just tell him u know he`s probably still hurtin but ur hurtin too and this is where u`s need to be thinkin about each other and considering each others feelings.....
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