A
male
age
36-40,
*ucidity
writes:I'm a 23 year old guy.And my problem, put simply, is that i don't enjoy sex.Ever sinec i was a kid i wanted that sort of "fairy tale" experience. Since then though, i've learned to know better through a series of heartbreaks and backstabs that still weigh heavy.Nowadays, i've gotten to know a girl that i became really good friends with, and we have sex on occasion. But she's not my type. and i don't "love" her. i don't enjoy myself when we have sex. I had the same thing happen to me with my first girlfriend, it felt more like a job... and i was always cautious and wanting to preform well. and it seems like i do, according to the feedback, infact according to both women, i am really good in bed.I just hate myself afterwards, and to be honest, masturbating feels better.i just don't know what to do. :| Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, LIERIN  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 FIND A girl that you love! than the whole sexual experience will be completely different think!
good luck
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Hi babes,
I know your not a "chronic masturbator" and I don't think you have a personality disorder. I think that Smiles and Uncle Sneaker are right, you need to find a woman to love to make sex special and meaningfull to you. Good luck with your search, and don't worry, just do the best that you can do. Blessings
...............................
A
male
reader, Lucidity +, writes (25 July 2008):
Lucidity is verified as being by the original poster of the questionheh, im not a chronic masturbator :p
we're talking about once in 2-3 days :p
worth a try still heh :}
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Have you ever tried giving up on masterbation for a while? You may have an addiction to the masterbation itself, it produces a chemical high from your own body. You need to see a physicologist who specializes in human sexuality.
If you stop masterbating and find someone you love, sex will improve.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lucidity +, writes (25 July 2008):
Lucidity is verified as being by the original poster of the questionwell i don't think im Narcissistic, but since we're into psychology, i'll tell you one thing that i think may be related: My parents used to beat the crap out of me ever since they cought me masturbating when i was 8 or 9, and i still remember my mother's words "if you touch it, it will fall".
that, and i've been inlove before, the first time i was young, and i was willing to abandon everything for her. and the second time was about up untill a year ago? and even though "NPD" might sounds like me, i was capable of intense love atleast on the emotional level. i did not sleep with those two women though.
though in all honesty i hate to think you're right, i'll do some reading, and see what can be done if any :|
"To love them would mean you have to love all of them good and bad. [b]To love them is to accept that the Narcissist doesn't know the meaning of love which comes as a result of not being loved by their parents for who they truly are.[/b] For this reason they don't know how to receive love or how to give love - they merely act it out to get the narcissistic supplies they need. They see love as twisted and they don't want it from you, they want your admiration and respect. Their relationships are filled with conflicts as a result."
that bit worries me the most, because i've had a rathar complicated and twisted relationship with my parents.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): I hope the "love arrow" of Cupid will "hit" you soon; then you will enjoy many hours of LOVE MAKING;
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
...............................
A
male
reader, Lucidity +, writes (25 July 2008):
Lucidity is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSTD's are a no issue, i am very well read about it, both my parents are nurses, and trust me, i don't take STDs lightly.
it doesn't seem to be a medical reason, i can masturbate and orgasm just fine.
and yeah, it would be nice if i could find love, but it hadn't happened yet.
and hell, it does get lonely, i'll tell you that much. i do still agree with you sneaker. just... damn :|
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): You want to know what to do?
I suggest you STOP HAVING SEX WITH THIS GIRL; you mentioned you DON'T LOVE her;
I suggest you WILL ENJOY sex much more if in a LOVING relationship; that is then "making love" rather then just having sex;
You mentioned that you are cautious and that you want to impress with your performance;
I suggest you should also be cautious about unwanted pregnancies, STD's and AIDS; an unwanted pregnancy in a situation like yours could be very disastrous to both you and the girl;
I suggest you stop having sex with any girl untill you are in love with the girl; ONLY then will you be able to really know and experience the satisfaction of a great fullfilled sexlife; as it will not just be based on physical satisfaction and performance but also on emotions and love.
Wait to MAKE LOVE to the right girl; rahter then to just have sex with a female friend.
Best wishes and lots of SMILES.
...............................
A
male
reader, Uncle Sneaker  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 You are "good at sex" because you aren't concentrating on your own pleasure, only hers. You don't expect to enjoy it, therefore you don't enjoy it, therefore you don't have the distraction of needing to enjoy it.
There's a famous quotation, although I can't remember where it comes from: "There's nothing a woman can do for you that you can't do better yourself. AND you don't have to talk afterwards."
Actually, I think that's a rather cynical view, and not quite true (but still a great quotation!). Sex with someone you don't really love can be very mechanical, whether or not you are trying to concentrate on your own pleasure or on hers. Not all of us experience explosions of pleasure when having sex with just anyone.
I think your problem is simple: you just haven't yet found the right woman for you. When you do, I'm certain it will feel right.
...............................
A
female
reader, Nessie Jay  +, writes (25 July 2008):
To be honest, obviously Im not male, and no professional in the field. But personally, although I have enjoyed sex whilst not in love, it always feels best when you are. Maybe the only problem is that you feel guilty that you do not love the person youre having sex with? Find a true love, and I can almost guarentee (unless there is some medical reason) that you will have the most amazing sex of you life! Best of luck.
...............................
|
