A
male
age
41-50,
*ostSoul222
writes:My girlfriend and i have been going out 7 months now. last month she got an email from a male friend she was at school with. she chatted on msn then decided to meet him. she told me about it and the fact he single. but instead of agreeing to meet somewhere she picked him up in her car and drove miles away to a pub. she met him 4 or 5 times now. and although i not comfortable with it, it fine. recently though she been less intimate with me and where we used to equally arrange to meet, it is always me suggesting and chasing her. a few days ago we had an argument. it was over the fact i had lied to her to save us from an argument over her new friend. she then confided in her male friend how she felt about me and he asked what she was still doing with me. i was livid when she told me. he has also started ringing her as soon as i leave her house. am i over reacting or not. please someone help as am going mad over it.
View related questions:
msn Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2008): heres the truth man.
the other guy is hungry and doesnt give a shit about your girlfriend although she doesnt know it. he doesnt have enough respect for her and your relationship.
you are being overly nervous which is isolating the both of you, making her more open elsewhere.
you need to chill out, or she really isnt caring for your needs, or you are overly uptight all the time and not doing or showing enough effort- its not an ego or male thing, just be yourself. be snappy, not so clingy.
and get into a mode as if you are not with her but on your own- then you will feel more confortable- becuase if all your doing is stressing being on your own will allow you to release-
go somewhere else- do something else, go have some fun, whatever you do dont stay in the house doing nothing- and dont be afraid to look at other women becuase your beating yourself up for feeling guilty that maybe she isnt for you and not looking after your needs.
its spiteful if you live together her actions, and its not like she is going out into the company of a bunch of friends, shes seeing another guy on her own-
be comfortable in the fact this other guy is intruding- stepping on your turf- you are not the same- and if she cant see this guy is manipulative its his fault.
listen if she is going to cheat let her- the best you can do is be there for her, be a friend- and if it bothers you so much move out- it saves your grace, gets your point across and leaves the door open. she wont expect you to do it, its a strong move and will make she look at herself and reality. if she doesnt take notice of that or even give you some kind of recognition after then shes dead weight.
dont take any of my advice litteraly or as a guidebook- becuase that is certainly not what it is- i dont know your circumstances- maybe you need to look at yourself more. Use your intuition, and if you love her you will forgive her her actions and work on yourself and your commitments and whats important and communicate in understanding that she is a human being with feelings- maybe not your feelings but you are not the same person so recognise that and maybe she will apprieciate that you are trying.
if you guys are still having sex- find some better tricks in the bedroom area- stop being whiney and be your own man, she is free to do anything- let her know you know that.
you dont need to be her friend if she cheats on you- but if you bail at least she didnt cheat on you and a reconciliation is possible if you think its that bad and she gets some sence.
women have a different way of thinking to guys so dont feel bad just realise its nature and to win you need to put in more energy and to do this you need your own space- go do things you used to enjoy doing or want to do that becuase you have been spending so much time with her you couldnt do-
do things you find fun or cheers you up- and maybe you never knowshe will want to come along and join in with you.
maybe moneys a problem, think romantic- although this is hard- what has she been saying the most to you recently? she needs space? if she comes back from this dude and all you guys are doing is bickering then break the chain and go out somewhere else- once she has had space she will think more about you and her own actions and want to know your sudden change of heart- then you can prove whatever you need to her.
anyway theres different advice in there maybe none of it is for you, but maybe something in there might help.
peace and bless- and remember you must love in right or wrong, together or not together, sickness mental or other. love her even when you dont love her, have faith if you have it.
be yourself- you can do this by getting away from thinking about her- a good way is to detach, you will find your limit which will allow you to do this.
if she is not that emotionally intelligent then dont worry- there are better fish in the sea.
A
male
reader, xoen  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 I have/had (depends on the day lol) suffer from slightly the same problem. My girl friend of 1 year and 3 months has 2 "great" male friends. One says hes "Gay" yet hangs all over my girlfriend. She has another "gay" friend who has a tendency to grab her breasts. I have confronted her with both and they have been both been reasonably resolved. My only suggestion is to tell her you feel threatened and would like it if she stopped seeing the other man so often or ask her to stop phoning and picking up his call as often. In situations like these it helps to ask for small things. Be honest, it does go a very long way.
...............................
A
male
reader, LostSoul222 +, writes (25 July 2008):
LostSoul222 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionJust as a follow up. not trying to be hypocritical or anything. but i did ask my sister about our relationship. but i simply told her i had made a mistake and we were struggling. didnt go into detail or anything. and she just wished us good luck. told my girlfriend and she thought it strange i would talk to another woman about our relationship. then she goes and does it. anyway. wish me luck. she coming round later for a talk. will keep u updated how it goes
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2008): Your reaction is totally normal.You should leave her.It
seems like she's getting more interested in him.And if she's not cheating,then telling him about her problems with you is way unacceptable and none of his business.I don't think she's worth your time.Find a girl who won't get
emotionally close to other guys so quick,and one who treats you with total respect.Wish you the best.x
...............................
A
male
reader, LostSoul222 +, writes (25 July 2008):
LostSoul222 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. i know she not cheating on me and she has been honest with me about when she meets him and where they go. i had to press her on the fact she had spoken to him about us though. i now wonder if there is more she not told me. we do love each other very much but it is so hard and i suffering so much. well thank you for your advice.
...............................
A
male
reader, LostSoul222 +, writes (25 July 2008):
LostSoul222 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. i know she not cheating on me and she has been honest with me about when she meets him and where they go. i had to press her on the fact she had spoken to him about us though. i now wonder if there is more she not told me. we do love each other very much but it is so hard and i suffering so much. well thank you for your advice.
...............................
A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Not surprising you're going mad over this, from your description it seems pretty clear than she's drifting away from you and towards him.
You have several choices.
You can 'win her back'. Don't do that by arguing or fighting, but turn on the charm and find what drew you two together in the first place. You need to remind her why she's with you, and not with him. Once you have the momentum back, you can bring up this guy in a more positive way, and ask that she doesn't contact him.
Your other option is to let her be and see what choice she makes. If she chooses him, then so be it.
Either way, if you two are in a committed relationship then her behaviour (in my book at least) is out of line.
...............................
A
female
reader, MissAgonyAuntx +, writes (25 July 2008):
 Hiya I think that maybe you should be straight with your girlfriend and tell her how your feeling. Tell her your fine with her having this male frind but your not happy with her discussing your arguments with him. Maybe you should arrange a night out you,your girlfriend and her male frind get to know him it might make you feel more comfortable about the whole thing. Good luck .
...............................
|
