A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Thanks for reading - I couldn't sleep last night as all this was in my head and not sure what to think.I met my girlfriend about 4 months ago through a friend and we hit it off right away. She had been with a jerk for 3 years ( they broke up 6 months before we met) and i am quite different to normal guys in a way - i like romance, i hold doors open and treat people well and she said i was like a prince. All was good. We were always careful and she told me she was on the pill. She is 19 and i am 24, she lives at home with her parents and i share a house with 2 friends.We found out 4 weeks ago that she was pregnant. I never wanted to have kids really and we spoke about this, how i thought we were too young and suggested adoption but she would not even consider it. She said she was having the baby with or without me and if i didn't like it, i could leave.Things have been a little different since all this and i have found it a lot to take in. We have not told our parents yet, she wants to wait for the 12 week scan and get the photo.So last night she came over and we had dinner and we were talking and i asked her to name 2 favorite things about me and she said it was my personality and looks.I asked her if i was wearing a mask and if i was ugly would she stay with me and she said no. I thought that was kinda shallow, but she said she was getting fatter everyday and if i would leave her? i said no, it would be the other way around and then she said " i need a daddy for my baby" - followed by " i'm joking baby"This conversation really alarmed me. By the sounds of it, have i gotten myself into a pickle? Like i want someone who wants to be with me for me, not my looks or the fact that she is pregnant...maybe i am looking too much into it, i don't know...
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2012): So you always used protection and she got pregnant anyway? It's possible but the chances are slim. I would have a DNA test just to make sure it is yours.
In the situation you're in, for her to say that is thoughtless and worrying. It doesn't should like true love that's for sure.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): You're this guy right? Some background for future posters.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/weve-been-dating-3-months-and-now-shes.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/my-girlfriend-is-pregnant-i-never-wanted-kids56.html
Dude you need to stop panicking. I know having a kid is a scary prospect but you're asking testing questions to which you know you're not going to get nice answers, why are you doing that?
You know when a girl asks me if I would leave her if she got ugly/fat etc. I always say "god yeah, I dump you immediately" Why? Because I don't pander to people's insecurities OP. That kind of insecurity bugs me and I find it insulting to even have to ask. Because that question is basically saying "Are you shallow, because I can't quite figure out whether you're a dickhead or not."
Look you're panicking, you're 4 months into a very new relationship and already you're expecting a child with a girl who was on the rebound when you met her. This situation is not ideal and you have every reason to be worried because it's far too soon to even say you will actually work as boyfriend and girlfriend nevermind spend the rest of your lives together raising a child. You know this is the case, you know that there is every chance this won't work out because you haven't even had time yet to fall in love properly and you're now facing the prospect of having a child with her.
Now it's obvious from this and your previous questions that you're freaking out. That's fair enough, but you really need to stop rocking the boat and asking questions like that. You need to stop testing her and then freaking out more because she didn't give you the standard response.
For the record OP think about this logically. You've known this girl 4 months and you're asking her "deep love" questions, what kind of answer do you really expect from a 19 year old when you've only been dating 4 months? That she'll love you forever and ever? That you could have half your face blown off and lose your arms and legs and she'd still think you're the most beautiful guy alive? No OP, it's been 4 months, she doesn't love you that deeply at all yet, nor do you love her that deeply.
So calm down and remember, you're still only really dating the kid changes nothing. You still have to date her OP, you still have to woo her and show her a good time. The baby isn't a ball and chain that means you are now a life long couple, it's something that ties you together for life but there's nothing to say you'll be together in 2 months let alone when its born. You know this, so if you want to make this work you'll stop testing her with insecure questions based on having a future together and keep on having fun dating.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): "Have I got myself into a pickle here?"
No, your pickle got yourself into a pickle.
That's what happens when you have sex with a virtual stranger, you assume risk of knocking up a virtual stranger who becomes less enchanting and irresistable with each passing post.
Good news since last post is there's now a reasonable possibility the kid isn't yours, given the constant fudging of conception date (during Florida trip, then before), adament refusal to consider adoption or abortion
and delays in informing others, I'd say very likely she hooked up with loser "ex" (yeah, sure), found herself knocked up (or even suspected or anticipated), and quickly went sap-shopping for a sucker she could con into believing he's the daddy so she could either pass off ex's kid as his, or more likely use sap as bargaining chip and/or Plan B while continuing clandestine hook ups with her twu wuv.
DO NOT let her rope you into marrying her before birth, hope and pray the kid isn't yours, don't sign the birth certificate without a DNA test, and in allowing for possibility that the kid is yours plan on a life as a unmarried single dad, and I'd even suggest moving out now.
If the kid is yours, you are screwed. Big time. What a conniving little bee-otch she turned out to be in short order. Now that you see her for the c-word (sorry, ladies and mods, only use that epithet on most special of occasions) she really is, your only choice is to fight fire with fire. Call her bluff, let her raise the kid on her own, yours or not, offer to sign away paternal rights, consider yourself a sperm donor for a sterile couple, she's going to dump you soon enough to go running back to the guy with whom she "broke up six months before we met" (yeah, sure). I wouldn't be surprised at all if he was in Florida at same time as you.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Before you could get to know each other well, now you have to focus on the baby. People got along 100 years ago because life was simple, people lived shorter lives, they were busier with their manual labor and less time to think about their partner's shortcomings. They had to travel a lot just to get to another tribe. If you got a girl pregnany a marriage was automatic. Today, there are many more choices and competition, the grass is always greener on the other side. People spend more time figuring out who's the one, and they lose track on what they have. Instead of enjoying each other they find faults in each other.
Realistically I don't think you are going to hear "I love you. You light up my life." after only 4 months, at the same time I think looks are very important. You want her to like you for your warts?
You have gotten yourself into a pickle, at least that's what you think. Having a baby doesn't have to mean doom and gloom for you. Take it one day at a time and get to know each other.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Honey, she's pregnant... she's got hormones going on that neither of you will understand or like... trust me she's in worse emotional shape than you.... and her's is mostly hormonal.
Being pregnant should be a third gender... men women and pregnant women....
Even if you want someone to be with you for you... you guys have a bond now... a human being...
100-150 years ago folks did not marry for love... they married because they got along and it made sense... and look how long those marriages lasted. The were done for reasons other than love and love and respect grew out of a common bond... building a life together with someone you get along with.
to be honest, my past relationships were all about love and going in with eyes wide shut...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): What is wrong if she likes you for your looks? The first thing that attracts us to a person is the looks, then comes everything else.
You are the father of teh child, so why would she not want the baby's father around. I think this might be a case of both of your'll not being ready to be parents.
You should be asking yourself, do you love her and is she the woman that you want to spend the rest of your life with! Becoming a parent is no easy feat and one needs to take respoonsibility for this life as you both are responsible for creating this baby.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 July 2012): Yes, I think you've been trapped. Unless you are in a definite long term relationship, you never rely solely on the pill but also use condoms. Methinks you'd been oopsed my friend
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