A
female
age
30-35,
*hawtyinlove
writes:My boyfriend likes rough sex. i do enjoy it sometimes but sometimes i want gentle and sweet. im too scared to ask him though. we tried going gentle before. he just gets overwhelmed and starts going fast and hard. i don't mind the speed but the feelings of kissing and going slow is like amazing to me. i told him i like gentle a bit better and he said sorry but every time we have sex he starts off gentle and ends rough. i dont know how else to tell him i want gentle sex. how do you all think i should tell him? please tell me thank you
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male
reader, doublejack +, writes (20 July 2012):
Shawtyinlove, from your description I believe the reason why it ends "rough", which by your definition is going fast and hard, is so that your boyfriend can have an orgasm. Most men are not going to be stimulated enough by gentle, slow intercourse that includes kissing. If he's starting that way to get you turned on, then I'm not sure what else you can ask of him.
Does he spend any time taking care of your needs? For example, does he give you oral sex? Why do you not like it when he begins to go fast? Is it because it hurts, or because you haven't had an orgasm yet and would like one?
Sex should be mutually satisfying, but what women need and what men need are frequently not the same thing. Couples work through this by spending time focusing on their partner in a deliberate way. If you communicate your needs to get them met, then letting your boyfriend go fast at the end so he can orgasm shouldn't be painful for you, and will hopefully become something you can accept.
Best of luck!
A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (20 July 2012):
 The other two ladies are right.
If you can not ASK for gentle sex, you shouldn't even HAVE sex. The thing is people are willing to do anything, but not TALK about it. That is not good in a relationship, it leaves it wide open for assumptions. HE is assuming (I'm guessing) that you prefer the rough sex JUST like him.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (20 July 2012):
 I agree if you can't talk to him about it then you are not ready to be having sex with him.
IF you start off gentle (cause he's trying) and it gets fast can you just gently remind him "we're going slow this time honey"
Are you talking about the actual intercourse because i can't even imagine that any man would enjoy a slow gentle thrusting for the entire act as that would probably not allow him to orgasm....
If what you are missing is the slow gentle build up (i.e. foreplay) then slow him down...
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (20 July 2012):
 Stop having sex with him until you feel comfortable enough to talk to him about it. If you are 'too scared' to talk about your needs and wants, there's something wrong. It could be that you are too shy or it could be that this is a very controlling relationship on his part.
Tell him he's getting too rough for you. Simple as that. "Babe, that's too hard, that hurts. Ouch." "Babe, slow down, gentle."
If you and he do not like sex in the same way, then maybe you are really not sexually compatible at all.
Now, can he be a bit firm and strong? Or is sex only comfortable when it is gentle for you? Maybe you aren't aroused enough and need lots more foreplay.
Talk to him outside of the bedroom, when you are both calm and peaceful. "Babe, I want to talk to you about being gentle and being rough. You are too rough for me all the time. It starts great for me but then it seems you lose control and it hurts me. I don't know how else to tell you this, sex feels amazing when it's gentle but getting too rough for me every time is really bothering me. I need you to understand my side of things and have us come to an understanding and reach a good compromise. Right now, what we are doing isn't working for me."
Haven't you posted about this before? Maybe it's time to acknowledge your boyfriend has an issue with taking care of your needs? Have you talked to him beyond him saying 'sorry' and then carrying on in the same way?
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