A
male
age
41-50,
*hechefchad
writes:my girlfriend is hving my baby, she is 12wks along. We had numerous conversations about starting a family, getting married etc before we got pregnant. We went and looked at rings, tux's etc. We do not live together. Since becoming pregnant she has totally changed her tune. Now shes not sure if shes in love with me anymore. She is sure she wants to have the baby. She has told me to leave her alone, give her time and space. I am so confused I do not know what to do. I am really making an effort to give her what she has asked for but it is really diffucult. I do not want to walk away from her or my child. I have waited forever for this moment and she continues to let me down on a daily basis. I am scared of losing her and my child. She says she wants to try but needs time and wants to take baby steps and one day at a time.... I my question is how do I give her time and space but still be receptive to trying to make an effort in our relationship without her or me being totally pushed away????? Somebody please help me. My stress level is thru the roof and sometimes I scare myself!
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female
reader, 6fargone +, writes (25 April 2009):
I did that during my pregnancies. In my first pregnancy there was something very important going on you really should consider. Since you don't live together I have to ask a painful question:
Are you sure the baby is yours? Don't take it for granted, get a DNA test when the baby is born to protect yourself.
With my second pregnancy, the baby was his, but I felt distant after a few months. Our relationship started not exactly on the right foot, we started under the influence and I think going without the substances had a huge effect on me.
Give her some time, get a paternity test for the baby to protect your rights, think of reasons for the changes besides hormones and try to talk with her about them. If she drank a lot before getting pregnant, if she has family or friends telling her things when you aren't around, he own personal fears of motherhood, pregnancy complications, labor and birth, are all very strong things.
Good Luck to you
A
male
reader, Jonty  +, writes (29 June 2008):
 Mate, I am going through exactly the same thing here in England, we were together 4 years and when she fell pregnant she doesnt want to know me. I am having to speak to her mum to keep me updated on where she is up to on the pregnancy!
Its so hard and difficult when all you want to do is be there to support her through it. All we can do is be there when needed and hope things work out, if not we can be there for our babies but move on with the rest of our lives. Not ideal i know, but life isnt a fairytale as I am finding out!
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A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (27 June 2008):
 It could be she is scared and is pushing you away, hormones are very powerful things and more so when pregnant. Or as she says she may have just realised she is not in love with you. I think only time will tell.
In the meantime just make it absolutely plain that you have no intention of walking away from this child now or in the future and that whatever she decides you are now and always will be the childs father. So give her time and space in your relationship but be in regular contact re the baby, dont even bring it up about getting back together just make it clear that you are only putting the baby first at the moment.
I do hope you can sort this out but if you cant please make sure you are registered on the birth certificate as the father otherwise you will have no rights as you are not married. This means you have no say in your childs upbringing or rights to parental access unless she grants you parental responsibility through the courts, sorry if that sounds a bit frightening but I feel I need to mention it x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2008): okay well
i think you should give her her space but yet still be there for her when she needs it. her hormones are probbley through the roof. Wait till the baby is born to see how she is. It may change but it might not. I kno it's hard to do but it she can't love you like she used to then you have to except her decsion, even though it will hurt big time. you'll cry but evenully you can move on and trust me you won't lose your baby. But if she loves you the way she did then you have nothing to worry about. my advice is not to worry till the day give her her space untill she wants attention. And do exactly what she wants! she'll love that
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