A
female
age
41-50,
*okey
writes:Hello! I am 28, and my bf is 23. We met about 3 years ago. We live together, and have a baby girl.I became pregnant shortly after we moved in together and it tore us apart. He was scared to death. He moved out (like 5 times) and then dated another girl for awhile. He started coming to see the baby, and then we decided to get back together. Things were great for awhile, and then he began to get restless again. He wants to have an open relationship, and I just can't. He was a late bloomer as it were, and hasn't had a ton of experience with girls. He says he loves us, but wants some freedom. He wants to know why I have to be so traditional about everything. I told him that if he wants to leave, then leave. He won't. The indecision is drving me mad. Like so many relationships, this one has many layers. At the end of the day, we love each other and want to work through this. How can we? Any suggestions??
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female
reader, Pokey +, writes (18 April 2008):
Pokey is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you so much for the help, after reading these answers it made me realize that we can do this.
Thank you all for the help, I hope one day I can return the favor!
A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 Walk one step at a time and take each day as it comes.
Love will overcome everything.
If he cannot pull his weight,
you will have to shoulder more..
Give and take and do not expect too high from him.
He has to learn and grow up quickly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): I've been there with a blokes before and ended up bringing our son up on my own. You can do it, i did.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008): It sounds like he has a lot of changes he needs to make and he knows it, but he may feel he isn't prepared for the task, this is internal turmoil. It could be because he has yet found a good paying career that will support this family. He has things in his head that he feels he needs to accomplish to be a better husband and father. Some guys as well as women have difficulty being good managers of there own lives, let alone someone else, especially with kids. For the first two years, I was little help with my two boys: I was afraid I would break them just by holding them wrong.
Men have fears to. Having a compassionate, caring woman who can listen and help if they can, but at least be supportive, is all it takes for a man to find the strength.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (17 April 2008):
 I think there is no middle ground here. He became a father sooner than he expected; he needs to take responsibility for that. That means he can't have sex with other girls. I think he can have sex with you, however, and that would count as "experience".
I don't think things should be as easy as just telling him to leave. He has a responsibility with the baby, at the very least. Maybe he could end his relationship with you, but there's no way he can't live like he's not a father. He decided to have sex, so now he has to be responsible.
Of course, if he is leaving just as many times as he has, your tranquility is important too. Tell him that he leaves again, or sleeps with someone again, and it's over. But he has to be responsible for the baby.
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