A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I'm a 49 year old women and have been living with my boyfriend for 21 years.We did split for two years but have now been back together for four.In the last two years things have started to go down hill again.He's quite a selfish man and just recently i havent been too well. Yet he doent care really.Anyway in the two years we were apart i met this guy and we had a relationship for 7 months. Then it finished, due to him having problems with not knowing what he wanted or not. He was 39 at the time,never married and always lived on his own.All the time i have been back with my first partner the other guy has tried to contact me, but i have just dismissed this until now.problem is that only there isn't anything going on in my first relationship and we sleep apart.So i have now given in and gone to see this guy a few times and we have slept together,the sex is very loving, because with my first partner the sex has to be like something out of a porn film,and its just like acting.I've told my first partner about this a number of times but he thinks its ok.He watches a lot of porni dont think there could ever be a relationship with the second guy because of the issues he had before, its been 4 days now since i have seen him.I contacted him, but he hasnt replied to my email.I just think the second guy is scared again,i know he has feeling for me, so why doesnt he show them?I'm not happy and want to start on my own again,but i'm a bit scared, also i have been getting mood swings and think this all might have something to do with my age,and maybe i'm going through the menopause.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): I would start again on your own. Be free to look at life without the distractions of these unsatisfactory relationships. The first guy is not really what you want, the second is flaky. Menopause is probably causing you emotional swings too. If at all possible I would end both relationships and have a new start.
A
female
reader, Abella  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Twenty one years is enough time to give it a chance to work. And it is not working. Leave your selfish partner to his porn and start organising yourself to live on your own.
He might reform temporarily or he may react angrily. So better that you organise yourself quietly (Katie Cruise nee Holmes style)
Your other friend though may not actually come on board. Or he may. I think he is bothered by the fact that you are already in a relationship. Your second guy sounds more loving and honorable.
it will be a tough change to live on your own. Try not to weaken and try to remain strong in your resolve. Get some counselling if you feel yourself weakening and start to feel like going back to your first partner, Mr Disinterested - Porn addict.
Maybe your other friend and you could start wooing each other from the start, like new lovers. Once you are living on your own. Maybe that is the sign he needs to go forward with you
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