A
male
age
51-59,
*uman_male
writes:Hi, I really need some help, especially from someone in the medical profession or anyone who might know about this.I'm a perfectly healthy, pleasant, bright, socially active forty two year old guy. But I've never had a girlfriend. In all my life I've only ever had one second date because no one I went out with has wanted to see me again (except one and she'd had enough by two dates), despite the dates going well and apparently having a nice time.Over the years I've tried to come up with some explanation for this. As you can imagine it's hard keeping a positive self image when you think there might be something fundamentally wrong with you. I feel like less than a man to be honest.I recently talked to my doctor about the possibility of having low testosterone. As well as apparently having no sex appeal to women I also have had erectile dysfunction for my entire adult life and I have a very low sex drive. By that I mean a physical sex urge. I am very interested in sex from a mental and emotional point of view but I don't get physically horny.I went for blood tests and it turns out my testosterone is slightly low. A second lot of blood and urine tests couldn't find a cause. The doc says I can have testosterone injections to boost my level. So my question is could low testosterone explain my lack of sex appeal and my other symptoms? And what are the effects I may feel if I get the injections? And how long would I need to take them?Any feedback from from someone who's gone through something similar would be very much appreciated.Thank you.
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female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 I know here in the US there is a T-patch which is very successful.
And yes, you will need to talk to your doctor about this.
Women can't sense ED or Low T, but they can sense a guy who seems insecure. So in a sense the low T can "make" you send out insecurity signals, which some women pick up and find a turn off. I think however, it has MORE to do with you and how YOU see yourself/portrait yourself to the world, then the low T.
My husband suffered from low T and honestly part from a HUGE drop in his libido, he didn't change his personality. He could still charm a snake any day. However, the patch DID help his libido.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Women can not pick up on LOW T or ED... the problem is not those things... the problem is how you carry yourself which may or may not be related to those things.
side effects from Low-T treatment should be addressed with your doctor.. I can tell you that my dad wore a testosterone patch for a few months or a year or so back in the mid-90s... he does not have one now.... so it was temporary for him.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): Having a low testosterone level might have something to do with your dating life.
Also the fact that you don't have much of urge to have sex might also has an effect on you, just from pure physical aspect of it. Women can intuitively feel it, it's in your eyes, your whole body language.
I remember one of my girlfriends said that she started dating a guy, who she described as being lazy. I asked to explained more, and she said, that she doesn't feel like there will be much action and passion of they get to be intimate as his whole image is just too lazy for her.
I don't know if it makes sense, but I guess women feel that there
is something is going with you. May be testosterone injections is not such a bad idea.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2012): The answers to your questions are really best given by your doctor or perhaps google for specific information on health sites, no one here is qualified for that.
As far as your relationships go there's a few things you can do. First off I'd really consider contacting some of those dates and asking them for honest reasons why they weren't interested in taking it further. Make it clear to them you're not coming on to them or have any interest just ask them what it is you can improve.
Second, talk to your friends, especially female ones again make them promise to be brutally honest or they may just give you the hackneyed "you're a lovely guy, you'll find someone" bullshit.
Thirdly you may well be active already but my best advice for you is to start working out, specifically strength training and endurance. My sex drive and testosterone levels have gone through the roof since I started that.
OP dating for us guys is a simple matter of the hunt, low testosterone may mean you're too timid, passive and don't show enough persistence or desire. But honestly, your failed dates will be the best ones to ask.
Go get the okay from your doctor and start working out. There's nothing like greater strength and stamina to really get the juices flowing.
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A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Your EQ (Emotional Intelligence) is far more likely to be a factor.
And your own self confidence in you.
EQ is not related to IQ (Intellectual Intelligence)
There are some highly intelligent people who have trouble attracting a partner. Versus the person at school who never did well in tests, but is never without a partner to any event.
And the Beauty of EQ is that you can learn to relate in ways that will draw people to you.
Here is a short test. It does have two questions repeated (I think that might be part of the test - just redo each question where those two repeated questions pop up)
Here is the test - it will only take you minutes to do.
http://www.ivillage.co.uk/test-your-emotional-intelligence-eq/74101
As far as your belief in you and your abilities I also suggest you scan EBay or Amazon for a fantastic book written eons ago (but still relevant today) called "The Art of Selfishness"
And find ways to relax, without a partner. Be that being involved in a relaxing creative hobby. Or volunteering so that you are put in a position where you have opportunities to work with people as a volunteer for leisure reasons
I do not think Testosterone is the decider.
I think your own self confidence and your own Emotional Intelligence are two important factors.
And learning to relax so that you do not appear anxious and worried - as those two aspects are a complere Turn off.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (2 July 2012):
 Okay well when it comes to dates and meeting women then no your testosterone levels would have nothing to do with meeting a woman. At the end of the day either someone is attracted to you or not based on looks and personality when you go on the date. They cannot tell if your testosterone is high or low. Therefore instead of looking for an excuse as to why you are not getting any dates. There isn't one. You just need to try harder and make more off an effort to meet new people. Don't give up.
As for the testosterone injections any questions or queries that you have about them you should be asking your doctor as he will be able to be more clear with you than anybody on this sight. Good luck.
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