A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help with this situation, as I'm slightly confused.5 days ago, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in 3 weeks, as she is off working at a camp over the summer. We have been dating for 4 months and we haven't seen each other on a consistent basis since the end of June because of her job. The past few times I have seen her, everything has been fine, we've messed around, told each other how much we love each other, and everything was great. But I got this feeling that I was making myself out to be clingy and I feared that I was going to scare her away. I became clingy in the first place because I was afraid to lose her, and I wanted her to know I was still into her. So I last left her when she dropped me off. We kissed each other goodbye, and said I love you very truly.That same night, we were texting and she seemed completely fine, she was calling me babe and everything. She stopped texting me, and at 3 in the morning, she texted me very upset, saying that she was confused about our relationship. She said that she felt that something was missing from our relationship, that I was more into it than her, and that she didn't wanted to be in over her head like this, though she couldn't imagine herself without me. She also said that she couldn't believe she was saying all that and was extremely upset. She felt like we weren't having fun. I knew the answer to this immediately, which was that we were being too emotional about being away from each other, and every time we saw each other we'd be so consumed that we'd just look in to each others eyes and cuddle all day. We proceeded to have a text conversation, where she came to the conclusion that we needed a break and just to be single until we see each other again in September. She said once she comes back we will be the best couple in the world, and that "we can make it 3 weeks, I know we can."Now you may think that she is seeing someone else, but I don't really think that is the case, because she is a very sweet and honest person, and we have had the most amazing times together. I'm not saying it's out of the picture, but it's not probable. I am so confused as to where she wants to go with this. I am giving her space, and I claimed that I needed space too, to refocus myself.I sort of developed a "plan" in my head, here it is.1) Not contact her in anyway for the next few weeks2) Find myself again and think of something fun to do with her when I see her again3) wait for her to get back to me, and when she does, say that I need more time4) (maybe) send her a comical letter with a picture of a weird animal or something saying something like "don't laugh, I got into a little accident"5) contact her after she recieves the letter to see how she is6) plan something fun with her if she seems ready or says she's ready7) be myself, because that's who she loves. She came one of my band's gigs and we met. She was attracted to me because I'm a crazy nut but I also have a soft side.That's my plan, critiquing is more than welcome. If there is something I should/shouldn't do, please give opinion.I have a few questions as well.1) If I showed her I changed, by being loose and relaxed, then is there a good chance she'd take me back?2) What is a good, fun activity that would be different and let us be relaxed when we first meet?3) Do you think she is just avoiding me by saying she wants a break or does she actually want to give it another shot?Thank you so much for taking the time to read this, I really appreciate it and any feedback.
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female
reader, zebralove +, writes (19 August 2010):
 I have been in a relationship similar to yours this passed year. It lasted 8 months. Turns out he cheated on me and left me for this other girl.
I was one hour away from home for school and we would see each other on week ends. We fell for each pther head over heels after a month. With i dont believe is real love. but anywais, when I moved back home things went down hill. We spent too much time together and his love died when the "honey moon" died. I was devastated!
Point is be carfull because you guys dont want to go too fast your are still young. (me to)
Things to look out for:
-If she is the kind of person who has never been single, she will leave you when the honey moon is over
-If she sais she doesnt believe that she can be with one person for the rest of her life, chances areshe probably wont.
When she comes back home, take it slow. Dont act like a married couple. See other friends together, go out together but more imprtantly have your "YOU" time with your friends. Be independent. Some times when you start out in a couple you want to please the other persone so much you forget about your sef, DO NOT DO THAT!! :)
I hop this helps and good luck!!
A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (18 August 2010):
 If I feel like I am missing out on fun with my boyfriend, I think of something fun to do with him. I don't just conclude that he's a boring guy and then ask for a break. Love can never be too intense. If you are really in love, just cuddling and giggling is fun. She has that good guy bad guy complex. Just because you are a nice guy doesn't mean you can't be fun. Just because girls like sex don't make them sluts. Just because guys commit early doesn't mean they are desperate. Just because a guy is fun and exciting doesn't mean he can't commit. Just because sex is good doesn't mean that's all we care for. Just because sex isn't good now doesn't mean it won't be later. Never take this personally. She needs to see people for what they are and not put people into easily assorted boxes.
I would say your plan is good, except you don't need to say you need more time. You know you are going to get back with her.
My boyfriend broke up with me for some stupid reason. I challenged him and argued with him and we got back together because he lost his argument being that his thinking was all over the place. I asked him so this reason or that reason made you fall out of love with me, or you were never in love with me? For that he had no answer. He just said we could work things out and that I should be happy.. So far we are having fun and there is nothing to "work out."
You don't break up with people before you thoroughly think things through. That's just not right.
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A
female
reader, romany  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Hello, you've got yourself in a right pickle, sounds like you've been doing alot of thinking.
I think whats happened here, is because of her being away, when she comes home, its become so intense the fun has gone, and I do think that is a situation you just have to leave till she comes home in September.
If she is working in a camp, then she isn't going to be getting alot of spare time, and fun may be something that is missing in her life at mo, and if every conversation with you is intense, or making plans to stare into others eyes, rather than chucking on some roller skates, ice boots, picking up a bowling ball, she maybe going stir crazy, and feeling like she needs to break out and paint the town red or do something totally crazy, which she is obviously into, as you say that is what she liked about you.
I think the best plan of action here, is to leave the heavy stuff for the 3 weeks, send her a quirky text every now and then, Not everyday tho, one every 3 days say, just a joke, no loves you etc, and if she replies with how are you, send by a short, nice reply, with no heavy stuff, I just think she needs to think about what she wants, after all, you wouldn't want her to come back to you unless she really wants and misses would you?
When she comes home, send her a welcome home text and invite her round, (if you live with your parents, make sure you ask them for a bit of space) and do something fun, like make a pizza from scratch, kneed the dough, try shaping it 'proper italian styley' and then cook it, eat it while watching a DVD, a comedy, Disney, something fluffy, talk about random stuff,no heavy stare in the eyes stuff and then go out, to see a band, or book a horse ride, paintballing, down hill sphere thingyme, if you live near a beach or a lake, take her jetskiing, windsurfing, do something that you know she'd enjoy, even if you hate it.
I know your feeling miserable now, but I do believe that being away from home, working all hours and horrid ones at that, she is just in need of a serious dose of life.
Goodluck.
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A
female
reader, Charleybabes0811 +, writes (18 August 2010):
All i would say is just wait and see? If you say you need more time, she may find someone else. It's best to just be honest, wait for her if you feel you should.Just see where the fates take it? hope it works out :) x
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A
female
reader, princessjasmine  +, writes (18 August 2010):
If she's anything like me she probably did feel like she needed her independance and space. We like the chase too you know, you don't wana make it easy and too available for her. You need to love yourself dude before you get too crazy about a chick. Do something by yourself or with your boys, don't hang w/her, call her or try too hard (the harder you try, the worse it is for you.) Let the ball be in your park for a while. If you do that she'll probably get curious and want to put a little effort into the relationship. Why don't you have HER pick a place and have HER put all this effort your tryna put in. A fun activity would be the arcade, movies and dinner at a cafe or like a small place (NOTHING fancy) I HATED fancy dates where it feels all 'romantic' and 'couply' (esp with someone you wana slow down with.)The best thing to do is just be relaxed and act like a friend more than anything, we love guy friends who we are attracted to (that inevitably becomes a bf.) Not jumping into something fast and being all lovey and romantic and clingy (oh i hate that!)Chill out and you'll be good :)
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