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male
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*hkman1985
writes: Me and my girlfriend are perfect for each other, we know this, but we rushed into it.Both parents like each other, so that's good. I am almost 21 and she is a senior in high school. We had some difficult times and we argue. She told me that she wants a break to build what she thinks is the problem, and that is a friendship.She and her best friend still want to move in with me after they graduate. And she still wants me to stay close around her family events or stopping by. My question is: How should I approach the situation?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): Dude u jus dont...she basically telling u she goin to end up with someone else and is hoping that its u who finds someone else first...give her a permenant break...Dump her now while u can look in the mirror and not feel like a chump when she does "accidentally" met someone Boohoo:(...loads of crap...move on and jus remember the good times...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2005): i was going to put my bf in the same situation because like urself we rushed into it, but after thinking about it i relised we could form a perfect friendship whilst still having the perfect relationship,i suggest that you perhaps ask ur girl just to form the friendship but stay as you are, explain to her that really works like that and if you really are perfect for eachother like you say then it'll be a good idea to continue like this. just really get to know eachother inside and ou, hangout as friends and partners as often as possible, i hope this helps a bit, it worked great for me and i have never been so deeply inlove with anyone. good luck, from sara
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (12 December 2005):
I can see where your girlfriend is comming from, do you really understand it? Sounds like from what you wrote that you may not get the full idea.
Now from what you wrote (and note there isn't that much detail so I'm going from little information) it sounds like she whats to build up the emotional side of the relationship. She wants to basicly build up the foundations of a relationship that will work, and that often starts with friends. Basicly look at what comes with any good friendship- trust, honestly, loyalty, fun, understanding of each other and being able to open up. All those qualities are important parts that come from a friendship. Do you think that perhaps she doesn't feel that those parts in yours and hers relationship isn't that strong, so therefor she is trying to build it, but finds it would be easier to start from scrach, take out all the phsycial intimacy side and just really focus on those bits - the friendship side. Would you say thats a pretty good idea of whats going on? If so, this is what I would suggest on how to approach the situation-
I think you should work with her. Work on all those qualities I just talked about and most importantly talk to her about what she wants out of this 'friendship'. Its important in this situation to really communicate clearly and find out what the other persons needs are and let them know yours, so you can both work together to make it right. I could tell you to do lots of things, but the main one that can not be wrong is for you to talk to her about it. Because otherwise im just guesing, but ill give you a few of my guesses-
To work on qualities like honesty, trust, fun to be around, loyalty, understanding, commitment and openign up to each other can take time, yet it can be done! You just need to take a bunch of little steps. Like each day perhaps open up to her about something thats important to you that you might not normally. Be there for her, like a friend, be reliable, so if she needs something your there to help. Show her how important your friendship is, and you can do this in many ways, but the most appropiate one would probably be just saying that you think shes a great person and you are really honoured to be her friend.
But bear in mind, its not you who is going to be doing all the work! I'm sure she will do all this back to you, as its a partnership, you both work together and for each other!
I hope I have helped, if you have any questions, feel free to ask :)
Remember, talk to her about it. Really try to understand what is going on, because from what you wrote sounds like you don't really have much of an idea. Take care.
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