A
female
age
30-35,
*carletShark
writes:So I'm seventeen(Will be eighteen in a few months) and I am not at all attracted to guys my age. I only have crushes on men thirty and older. I have accepted this by now whether it because I have "daddy issues" as someone once told me or not. The problem is guys my age keep asking me out and then everyone picks on me for letting them down. Then I feel bad and right now am pretty much forced to be single since that only guys that are interested me are ages 15-20. No one that I know knows about my feelings for older men and I don't really know what to do at this point. Anyone have any suggestions?
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female
reader, AbigailBradbury  +, writes (13 July 2012):
 I think people saying you need to see someone professional about this is a little harsh... It's not a psychological problem it's a life choice. If you have experience of dating men your age and it going wrong then obviously you are going to tarnish all that age group with the same brush. You are learning from your experiences and that is really good, but don't go looking for someone unless you are willing to make the same amount of effort. You sound like you're young and want to have fun right now and you don't like clingy guys. Some older men can be worse at clinginess because they're older and want to settle down. All I'm saying is jut be careful who you choose, make sure you have a lot in common. Talk to them loads before you start something, then you're less at risk from hurting anyone. You're only young, there's plenty of time to find a guy to settle with, or an older guy as you said previously. Good luck.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): Be careful that you aren't just expecting men to be more female, and then labeling men immature when they fail to be. I think a lot of women think this way today. They spend their lives complaining that there is no such thing as a mature man. If that is true then the maturity they seek is a female-biased trait.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2012): "Yes, I do have a bad relationship with my father. He is out of my life, and by his choice."
From previous anon male who asked about your relationship with your bio-dad: sorry your father abandoned you, what a heartless, selfish bastard. I have a male relative who similarly walked out on his children and I literally cannot stand to be in the same room with him, always politely excuse myself rather than make an unnecessary scene.
I suspect your attempts to date guys your age end badly because you have huge voids in your life that you are seeking to fill any way possible, and what you are looking for in a boyfriend goes far beyond typical teen dating relationships. Common and expected reaction for a girl in your situation, that's why I raised the possibility.
Glad you clarified that you have no immediate plans to act on your attraction, but previous advisory also applies to young twenties-over thirty relationships, it's always a red flag when guys pursue much younger women; usually if they're not quasi-fetishists or social rejects, then they're also looking to fill voids in their life dating from their childhoods or adolescence.
Again I respectfully suggest counselling to help you work through and sort out your issues with your bio-father. Nothing wrong with you, it's the toxic effects of HIS problems that you need to address and resolve.
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A
female
reader, ScarletShark +, writes (12 July 2012):
ScarletShark is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTo clarify I'm not even thinking about dating men that older that older then me while I'm still seventeen. I plan to be at least twenty before I start dating men that age(That is if I still feel that way, and still have the same issues with guys my age.). My problem is with my friends picking on me for turning down guys my age or younger then me down. People call me cold even though they don't know the reasons.I don't target any particular age, I do try and date guys my age. It's ended badly every time. Because I'm always the one to break it off again I am called heartless for this. Also, I seem to attract guys my age that are incredibly clingy and are all ready naming our future kids, but that's another issue for another day.Yes, I do have a bad relationship with my father. He is out of my life, and by his choice.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 July 2012):
 at 17 you should NOT be dating men who are 30 or even 25...
to be honest if MEN that age want to date a girl of 17/18 they have maturity issues that need to be addressed.
I have no problem with adults dating older partners.
TEENS are not adults... they are TEENS and to be honest normal adults should find them immature. IF they do not I am concerned more for the adult than the teen that the behavior is inappropriate.
I have never TARGETED a specific age group... I just go for people... it's NOT my fault that my taste tends to run to younger men (always has even when I was young)
I agree that if you are probably ripe with for counseling..
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 I really think that you should speak to a therapist about this. I know you don't feel like you have a problem, but you are right not many guys over 30 are going to be interested in you, simply because you are still very young. There must be deeper issues here when you are not wanting to date someone your own age, therefore I think it would benefit you to speak to a professional about this to see if they can help you solve this issue here. You may very well be looking for a father figure in older men. Which sometimes can lead to you being left feeling confused. Please make an appointment to talk to someone and take things from there. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, AbigailBradbury +, writes (12 July 2012):
You shouldn't go for just one particular age. Just go with the flow and find someone you are compatible with. Maybe you feel that people your age are just too immature and you want someone older because you feel that they would respect you more, and treat you well. They may well do that, but don't say no to a really nice guy purely for what you are lusting after. You're still young, you'll learn from mistakes and experiences. Date some guys your age and you'll be able to see how compatible you are and what you have in common. Just go with it, you might regret it if you don't. :)
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Its not up to anyone else who you date or who you like, its up to you since your the one thats going to be hanging out with them and being with them, they obviously need to accept the fact your into older men, its not a strange thing, some people are and some people aren't.
Age isn't really an issue if your with someone you love anyway, maybe just tell your friends to be happy for you when you do find someone you want to be with, and that you're not going to be pushed into a relationship with someone you don't truly want to be in one with.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): Question I always ask concerning teen girls attracted to much older men: What is your relationship with your biological father?Root of "daddy issues" is usually absent father, all girls want and need love, affection and approval from their fathers, and if he's not in the picture girls your age often seek instant combination of father/husband figure in the form of an older boyfriend, without always making the connection. Not enough info in post to know whether this applies to you, just suggesting common scenario. Whatever the reason(s) for your attraction for older guys, be very wary of any older guy who shows interest in return. Thirty or older males attracted to teen girls usually either have fetish for young girls, or else have some personaity issues, character flaws or other baggage that causes women their age to instantly reject them. To compensate they turn to young, naive, impressionable females like you who can't make the distinction between age and maturity. Whatever your situation, it might be wise to seek counselling in order to explore the roots of your attraction and interest in older men; be forewarned that if you somehow get involved with one then you will probably end up miserable and unahppy as it's likely to be an unhealthy, dysfunctional relationship.
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