A
female
age
36-40,
*oveisreal317
writes:Hello!This "situation" I need advice on is not so much about a love relationship, but rather family and friends.I am dating a guy named "Jason". He has an older brother named "Jacob". Their parents are divorced. His father recently got diagnosed with cancer and is flying to Texas to get treatment. His son Jason is always in contact with him, when his dad's away on business (which is 90% of the time) and the other son Jacob literally only calls him when he needs something, mainly money. Now today, Jason got a called from his dad asking if he would like to stay 2 weeks in Texas and if he wanted to bring me along. We both said yes.Later in the evening we come back from the store to his mother's house and we walk in and it looks like his brother is crying. His brother goes upstairs for something, and I go to help with some laundry by myself. I over hear Jason and his mother talking and said that Jacob is upset because his father did not buy him a plane ticket and wouldn't go to Texas for a million dollars now. Jason was polite to his mother and just listened. She also seems to be mad at me, now that I'm going even though I was invited.I could understand if Jacob and his father talked all the time and Jacob wanted to see him, but sadly, as I've said before, Jacob never calls his father unless he needs something and he never picks up the phone when his father calls and never returns missed phone calls. He did not even call his father when he found out about the cancer. It's a situation where no matter what the father does, he can't buy a ticket or figure out a schedule for Jacob unless he talks to Jacob, which obviously isn't happening.So the problem I need help with is, Jason (and I) got tickets to fly to Texas, Jacob didn't. Their mother is absurdly angry at how she believes their father "chose one son over the other". However she is now not speaking to Jason and giving Jacob all the special treatment in the world. I feel like she's being a very hypocritical person, choosing one over the other. I mean, she's basically hostile towards anyone that isn't Jacob. And one other slight problem is Jacob is a mid-20's alcholic/coke head and their mother has no idea! We're tired of being pushed around and made to feel like worthless pieces of garbage, when it's her other son that doesn't do anything, but work a part time job, drink, and do drugs, and ask for money constantly.I just want a little advice on how to deal with a situation like this.
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female
reader, loveisreal317 +, writes (23 July 2012):
loveisreal317 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHello, i have an update for this, i found out that my boyfriend's brother was in fact asked to go to Texas, but turned it down...and by turned it down i mean never answered his phone or called back. I should also add that the 'anonymous' who said I shouldn't think I 'have a right over Jacob' or 'it doesn't say much for me' and it's 'wrong for me to be going' obviously didn't understand my situation at all. I never said I had a right over him nor do I feel that way. And I'm going because his dad understands that I'm the only person Jason has to depend on in his life. And as far as it not saying much for me...that statement could have been left out. This website is supposed to be a place of nonjudgemental advice. That kind of talk about what my character might be like makes me not want to seek much needed advice when I have nowhere else to ask....and certainly makes me question the people who run dearcupid.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2012): Both his mother and father have acted wrong in this situation, however i believe that jacob and jason should go see their father. at the end of the day no matter what issues jacob has it is still his father who is dying and not being able to see him may mess him up even further. in no way do i belive that this is your fault and i understand that you are sick of being treated wrongly by the mother but i belive that jacob shoud go and see his father
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): I am sorry that this is the situation, but the father should not have invited you if he hadn't invited Jacob. You are Jason's girlfriend, but you are not family. Their mother is at the moment trying to make it up to Jacob, though there is no way she can, because he is hurting. Whatever Jacob does has nothing to do with it. The fact is that their father is getting treatment for cancer, and that is scary and of course it would hurt him to know that his brother's girlfriend is going there and that he isn't invited, when he should be the one to go there. Whatever he does is none of your business, he is still the father's son and he still loves his father despite what anyone may think. This is a horrible situation, but I believe that you should not be there if Jacob is not, it's that simple. Of course he is going to be hurt, his father is being treated for cancer, he is scared his father is going to die, and he isn;t invited but his brother's girlfriend is, I don;t know anyone who wouldn;t be hurt and angry in that situation. Maybe you should try to put yourself in his place and think how you would feel, instead of thinking about how you were "invited" and thinking that you have some sort of right over Jacob to be there. You need to stop thinking of why it's justified, nobody should be kept from their parent in this kind of situation in favor of their other child's girlfriend, it doesn;t say much for his father and it doesn;t say much for you and your boyfriend. I am sorry but what has happened is wrong and it is wrong for you to be going there under these circumstances.
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