A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married to my husband for 19 years but we have been together for 24. 9 years ago I had an affair which my husband found out about and we put it behind us. However, I found out last week that he has been having an affair for the last 8 months. I have suspected all along. Again we have decided to put this behing us and move on. However, I confessed to him at the weekend that not long after the 1st affair I went and did the same thing again with another man. Understandably we was very upset. After much talking both of saying some hurtful things we decided that we were going to really make a go of things,with both of us seeing that we could have done things better and perhaps understanding why we have both done what we did. Although i have never done anything like that again,and never would either, I did once kiss a man (I had had a bit to drink) but nothing happened and I pushed him away. This was about 8 years ago. I think I must have been going through some kind of weird phase in my life, that I cannot explain at all. My husband does not know about this, but the guilt of it is causing me so much anxiety that I am having trouble coping. I am on medication as there has been a lot of upset over the recent months. I hate myself for what I have done. But if I tell him now he would probably want us to split up. The truth is I had forgotten all about it until the other day. I think with everything else, it has just come back to haunt me. I know people out there will think I do not deserve him and they are right, but the fact of the matter is that he is the love of my life and I cannot imagine my life without him.Has anyone out there had a similiar experience.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 June 2009): Hi There,I am the one who posted the question. Thanks for the advice. I decided to tell him about the kiss thing. He obviously thought there was more to it, but I have tried to re assure him that there was not and because I am suffering from anxiety little things become big things and I felt I had to tell him. We talked for many hours about what we have both done. He admitted that he was going to leave me the weekend he told me about the affair, which I have to say was a bit of a shock, buthe said that a smcuh as he wanted to be with her, bhe didn't want to leave me either. We have had a good weekend, but I just cannot get out of my head all the thoughts/pictures of what I have done and what he has done. Any tips for blanking out bad memories. I love him so much.
A
female
reader, summerslady21  +, writes (28 May 2009):
Everyone makes mistakes! And you did confess so you were honest! My ex husband had 2 affairs in an 8 year period and both females got pregnant! So then I decided to get a job because the bum would not work and I met a wonderful man! He was older than me had a child a wonderful personality and body! I had called and told my ex I was working over had to pull a double shift! And I spent that time with the other guy! I was 17 when I met my ex he was 25 so I was young! He beat me bad 13 times and put me in the hospital 8 of them times! But I was not getting attention love or affection from him and I went elsewhere. I loved the attention I got from the other guy... They always say what goes around comes around and I believe that now! Good luck honey god I hope things get better. Keep in touch! I just wanted to pretty much let you know I've been there
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): I am not thinking that you don't deserve him. Everyone makes mistakes, nobody is perfect, and he had an affair too. It sounds like you are both doing the best you can with what has happened, and are making a real effort at making things work. I think you are both doing great, so you have my full support.
I would be tempted to say that it is probably best to say nothing to him about the incident where you kissed another guy. It isn't such a huge thing I guess, a kiss, and you didn't get any pleasure from what you did. So I would say to put it behind you as the past, and continue moving forward with your husband.
But if this is really troubling you, then I think it might be a good idea to tell him, otherwise this will just torture you. Okay, he might be mad. He might even want to give up and split up if you tell him. But if you don't tell him, will you end up pushing him away out of guilt?
I think you need to weigh up the pros and cons of telling him and not telling him, and see which option feels the best for you. I'm sure they will all be difficult choices, but one way will probably stand out for you more than the others.
I hope things work out well for you and your husband, good luck. x
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