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female
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anonymous
writes: My boyfriend cheated on me with this girl as soon as he met her in March. She got pregnant that same month. They both said it was protected and the condom broke. They claimed it was an accident, but now that she found out he was in a serious relationship she has been giving us trouble.I know he is wrong for cheating and we are working to get past this, but how should we deal with her threats to keep the baby from him? She has told him I won't be allowed at the birth and if I come he won't be welcome in the delivery room. She has also told him he can't see the baby if he has her around me. At this point I haven't entertained her. We have plans to get married. How is this going to work out? Isn't he supposed to have me present when he deals with her?
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhey everyone! i have a very good solution to this problem! IT'S NOT HIS!! yep, we found out in april and we are so happy that the child is not his. it's not hard to take accept the baby but to deal with a difficult female who wants to dictate the whole situation is beyond intolerable. especially after she got herself involved in my life. i didn't ask for it . she did! she didn't have and common or life sense.or any good morals or principles.she was terrible.after finding out she knew about me but didn't care(which is a lie) i still hadn't said anything disrespectful. i feel like the problem lies with my boyfriend because he gave her the chance to be involved in our life but she just had to be confrontational. i know it was all because she was jealous, angry, bitter and scorned but that wasn't my fault. and i know i could have just dropped my boyfriend but i love him and i decided to stay.currently i am very satisfied with my decision and all i can say is. I WOULD HAVE GIVEN ALL MY LIFE'S EARNINGS TO SEE THE LOOK ON HER FACE WHEN SHE READ HER LABCORP DNA RESULTS!! they discovered HE WAS NOT THE FATHER
A
female
reader, joislack +, writes (29 October 2005):
this is to the emotionally damaged beyond repair guy who called me a dummy.this "girlfriend" has been offered marriage before and after this.and a baby mama aint entitled to anything either.the baby is!and it is not about money and she doesn't have the right to tell me where i need to go.he does!he still wants me and resently he has told her with me present that it is only going to be about the baby from now on.all she will get is what she needs for the baby nothing more.if she cries about it then, oh well she needs to be a woman since she is having one night stands with people she doesn't know.and whatever money she gets is for the baby so it isn't something to be mad about anyway.and i am independent and it is not about money between us.and as far as him sleeping with her that will be revealed in the future by the future not you.grow up and realize and let go of your own faults!people do change.some don't. and i can tell you are doing the same thing or you have done it before because you are reading him the way you see yourself. don't read others by what you would do!
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A
female
reader, ANGELS66  +, writes (28 October 2005):
 First wait till baby is born then get DNA to establish paternity thereis a 50/50 chance this child may not be your boyfriends, if she slept with him that quickly who can say who else she could have slept with.
When the baby is born tell him not to sign the affidata of paternity the hospital with try to get him sign before a DNA is done.
DNA is a must,before any Child Support is paid other wise it is considerd of gift ,not child support and in some states it can be labled as consent of paternity.
He is only leaglly obligated to pay child support and be there for the baby(if he choses) he doesn't have to be there for her.
Also legally once paternity is established she cannot keep him from seeing the baby as he would be the baby's bio father. Have you boyfriend speak to lawyer, and have Child support and visitation done through the courts. Also the only way she could legally keep your from the baby is if you are mentaly unstable or have a criminal record(in some cases).
Any arrangements concerning the baby can be done threw the lawyer not just him and her, unless you all get along and he want's visitation. There doesn't need to be a bond between him and her, the only bond there needs to be is between him and the baby (if the baby is his). And if they do talk never let him be alone with her he can have freind go with him(one that you both trust).
Also if your getting married, does he want contact during her pregnacy, if not he doen't have to and it will help to rebuild your realtionship.
I have been threw this with my husband, so I'm telling you with the experience of going through this myself.
Here are a couple websites to look into:
1) http://www.marriagebuilders.com
Look at the Pregnacy/child fourms there
2) http://p078.ezboard.com/btheotherchild
Theses are very helpful and the women there are going through and have been through the same thing your going through. I read and post on these sites myself.
Another thing I recommend is counsuling for you both individually and as a couple. Start with seeing what your church offers and go from there.
If you do belive in God, pray and give the situation to him, it truely does help.
Good luck to both you and your boyfreind, I will pray for all of you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): Dear dummy,
He sure thinks a lot of you to be in a "serious" relationship and be out there sleeping with other women. Guess what she will always be in his life now at least financially. I hope you can support the both of you because you can kiss his money goodbye. As far as she goes, she has the right to tell you where to go. If you didn't know "girlfriend" entitles you to absolutely nothing. You have absolutely no say in the matter. She doesn't want you there period! Guess what, he slept with her once and now they have a baby. He IS going to sleep with her again somewhere down the road.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 October 2005): She may feel threatened by you..you are the one he is with you are the one he wants to be with yet she is the one having his baby..her hormones are all over the place and you just need to bare with her for now..something will work out to suit all..if you want to be with your partner then you have to also realise that this baby is and always will be a part of his life as well.
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A
female
reader, wishes +, writes (28 October 2005):
 She is being slightly irrational but also making sense. Of course she wouldnt want you there at the birth. This baby will be a part of your life, but only because its a part of your boyfriends. You have a long and hard road ahead of you. She cannot legally stop him from seeing his own child, but you have to understand that she would see you as a threat- like you will be the other "mother" to this baby. You havent done anything wrong and I really hope that it all works out for you. You do not have to be present when he deals with her at all. Arrangements are between him and the mother of the baby so you will have to get used to them spending time together. They will have a bond, a bond that you and him dont share as you dont have any children together. If you trust him, and do love him and are up for hard emotional work, you will get through it. Best wishesx
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