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female
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anonymous
writes: I am currently 19 and my partner is 20. We have been together for 2 yrs now and are expecting our first baby. His mother has never met me or spoken to me properly but yet she hates me. At first I thought it was my appearance but I have tried changing it a little but this does not work. It has recently been decided that I am not even allowed in their house anymore again for no reason I know of. She scowls at me, talks about me when I’m not there, shouts at me when I phone his house for him but yet she always seems to come out OK. I’m always in the wrong and constantly being told to get over it and keep trying but how much of his should I really take? I haven’t done anything to her, yet she still hates me. It has now come to the point where I don’t want to be with him anymore because it gets to both of us too much and we take it out on each other. He tells me he will deal with it but it has been 2 years now and things are not changing. I encourage him to let me wait for him by his house so she can see I still exist so she has to deal with it but he instead hides me from her now so she doesn’t have to. I am 5 months pregnant and she still doesnt know. He is again protecting her feelings by not telling her. Why should she be the only one who is considered in all of this when she is the one causing the problem? I feel that our child is the most important thing right now, so if he can’t do it for her, is there any point staying with him? I love him so much but I really cant do it anymore I recently gave him an ultimatum but don’t know if I made the right decision. I told him either he talks to his mum and tries to solve this or he leaves me alone to get on with my life. He will be a great father I have no doubts with this but being there for me counts too, doesn’t it? Should I get over this relationship and start a new with baby?? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (4 September 2005):
You are really confused and I bet you are feeling all alone on this one. Stop thinking about his mother, its not her you are having the relationship with. Don't give any more ultimatums, they rarely achieve anything. He sounds like a mummys boy and this may mean you have made a bad choice. Tell your boyfriend that you don't want to hear anymore stuff about what his mother says or thinks of you! And don't ask! Get into your pregnancy and enjoy it as much as you can. Let him get on with his mother however he chooses, you are better off for now that she wants nothing to do with you. Tell your boyfriend to protect your feelings and not talk about his mother and what she has to say unless its good. Look closely at how boyfriend is with you and put all thoughts of his mother out of your head. DO NOT TALK ABOUT HER! Do not ask him to choose between him and his mother! Have a healthy pregnancy. When baby is born if she shows an interest, keep it short and sweet and don't get too involved for the babys' sake. If your man treats you and the baby right, keep him!
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2005): Tell him that he has to tell his mum to stop acting weirdly in front of his partner. If he loves you he'll do it. If not then why don't you leave with the baby? Make sure that he asks her why she does it. Has she done it with all his other partners too? If she has then maybe she's scared about him growing up and having a partner. Sort this out so that your baby won't have one grandparent that is really stange around their mum. Hopefully you can sort this out and become friends with her.
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