A
female
age
30-35,
*Charliix
writes:Hi there,Myself and my girlfriend have been together almost a year. Since December last year my partner hasn't really initiated any sexual intimacy at all- once or twice when shes been drunk, after an argument etc. Majority of the time I have to initiate any intimacy. And when I say intimacy I don't mean just sex- kissing, cuddles, make out session- everything basically. At the beginning of this year she got diagnosed with mild depression which then made sense about the whole low sex drive. But its been almost 9 months and we haven't had sex, once. She continues to dismiss me and push me away, saying she is watching telly, playing on her phone, too tired or not in the mood. When I try to kiss her she'll either push me away or give me a peck on the check instead of on the lips, saying that if we make out it'll lead to sex. I told her a few weeks ago that my libido has decreased and all I really want is a little snog now and again- I thought this might help take the pressure off, but I was wrong. Nothing has helped at all. I've done some research of how to relight the passion and suggested some of the recommendations to my girlfriend. Every time I do, she gets angry and thinks their stupid.I've spoken to her so many times about this issue and most of the time she has got angry, told me to 'get over myself' and we've argued for several hours. So I feel that this issue isn't getting resolved and she expects me to push it under the carpet. She promises things she doesn't keep, leads me on and just expects me to run around after her like a little puppy...What do I do?? Why is she making no effort with me at all?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 September 2013): Thank for your advice guys.. I really do value your support... I really don't think I can leave her bit equally sex is really important to me.. There is no point in having a relationship if there is no intimacy... Xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): Mild depression doesn't explain her behaviour... I'm sorry but from the sounds of it, she isn't into women... She's VERY opposed to ANY remotely sexual contact, which is just unheard of really when you're supposed to be in a relationship.
She sounds very confused about her feelings but is happy to string you along for almost a year?? Can't help how people feel but can help how they treat others... She's being dishonest and unfair and because of this she's not worth the hassle.
I'm sorry but the only thing you can do here is write it off... This is something that you can't fix, she needs to grow by herself.
Sorry and Good luck xx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 September 2013): You walk away OP.
You've been together a year and only had sex once or twice when she's drunk or after an argument and only for the first 3 months of this "relationship"?
You're not in a relationship then OP, you're in a friendship. You know I'd even start to question whether she really is into women.
Depression doesn't really explain why for a year she's shown no will to initiate any kind of sexual fun with you and even if I'm wrong what does that say about her ability to fulfil your needs sexually?
OP don't let her depression scare you off having a very important discussion about what sex is to you, how important it is in a relationship and how much you're not sure you can go on without it.
OP you have to think long and hard and ask yourself whether sex is something you can live without in a relationship, because that's the reality of a relationship with her. If you can then ignore what I said. But if you can't then you really have to look at officially ending this and making it a friendship. Sex isn't everything, but it also can't be a nothing. 3/4's of your relationship has been without intimacy and the other quarter she could only do so when drunk or after fighting?
Not good at all OP.
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