A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My partner just upped and left and I don't know how to deal with it. We never lived together and the last few months had been hard as he had to move away for work - only 150 miles away though so we went from seeing eachother 4 or 5 times a week to once or twice a fortnight. I spoke to him one evening on the phone and we arranged for him to come and see me the following day, he seemed happy and his usual self, told me how much he'd missed me and couldn't wait to see me. But he didn't come home and won't reply to my texts or answer my calls. It's been almost 2 months and he's just cut me off. I know he's been home as his car has been there and I know he's ok as he's still on Facebook but he just won't respond to me in any way. I've said if he wants it all to be over that's ok but just tell me and I've asked him to delete me from Facebook but he won't. I don't understand it. Initially I sent him a lot of messages as I was worried, then I tried giving him a few weeks space but that didn't work either. A few days ago his friend wrote 'found the balls to delete your stalker yet?' on his Facebook wall and it hurts to think that could be about me. I can't get my head around it, we were together almost 2 years so why?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 He’s a chicken shit isn’t he? NO balls on his part to do the right thing. The problem is you are not listening to what his silence is saying….
He’s done with you. He should have told you but he didn’t. You know he wants out. You know it’s over. You just don’t know “why”… and want/need to make sure it’s not about you or something you did or did not do. I can assure you if it was something YOU did or did not do, he’d tell you. He ended it this way because while there is nothing big wrong.. he just wants out for whatever reasons he wants out… you can’t control it or understand it. And it sucks.
It’s over and done. You need to let it go. This is my advice:
1. Unfriend him on facebook/twitter and any other social media
2. Block him there as well ( hard to do but a very important step to healing)
3. Delete his email address
4. Delete his phone number
Since he is not contacting you, unless you know how to do it and it’s free I would not think you need to block his numbers.
At this point if you are driving to his house to see if he’s home you are in the stalker area… you need to let him go totally. Yes it hurts… and it’s HARD
Here is my best breaking up is hard to do advice:
After you block him:
You have permission from me to mourn fully for SIX WEEKS…. (since you have been semi mourning already it may not take that long)
During this six weeks: you can write him long long long letters detailing EVERYTHING, how you feel, what your hopes dreams and fantasys with him were… what you wanted from him, how he let you down.. ANYTHING you want to say is fine… because you do not send these letters… you just write them… then you have two choices… you can burn them… or my fav YOU seal them in an envelope and you date them and even put a note on there that says “open in 5 years” or something outrageous. I read a letter to myself at 15 when I was 40 and it was such an eye opener… after you seal this letter up you put it in the bottom of drawer you rarely go in… you forget about it… just hide it from yourself…. And you move on
For six weeks you can talk about him to your girlfriends.. you can go without makeup and cry at the drop of a hat, you can wear dark glasses indoors… you can skip shaving your legs if you want… you may eat ice cream for dinner if you like….
AFTER SIX WEEKS you have to pull up your big girl panties and get on with life. Get your hair cut or trimmed… start wearing make up again if you wear it… dress well, live well, go out with friends.. MEET people.. men and women…NOT for dating.. just to be out and about… you still are not ready for a new fella…. Just be up and out and living not just existing…
the bad behavior is on him... THIS IS NOT PERSONAL... I know that's hard to accept but truly his bad behavior is NOT about you. it's a reflection on him and what a louse he is.
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Some guys are coward like that, they'd rather take a beating than officially break up, they just don't " do " break ups. They figure out that , by the third unanswered message or so, you'll get the hint and leave them be ( and , I must say, as cruel and rude their method is, they have a point : Why sending him " a lot of messages " ? when you have made sure that he is alive and well and COULD answer.If he does not answer it's because he does not WANT to, - so no point in telling him " at least let me know ", he HAS let you know already. His silence IS the answer. Do you think that someone who still cares about you, who still likes you, would treat you this way ? ).
I know this sounds very abrupt to you, in fact most of the times... one should have seen it coming, people do not just up and disappear when they are in love with you -there always are signs, subtle or not so subtle, some times we do not want to catch them, and anyway certainly the distance blurs the issues and does not help having clarity.
Now don't beat yourself up, it's not something you have done, or you have done wrong, you just have met the wrong person for you, and , seen how disrespectful and insensitive he has shown himself to be, .. consider this a blessing in disguise , in decamping he did you a big favour !
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (4 March 2013):
 Hi
This is a gutless coward your dealing with. Its clear its over and he has moved on.Your not going to get closure or reasons,he doesn't have the balls.
Delete and block him from everything, stop thinking about him,checking on him.He doesn't deserve your headspace and is no loss.
In time you *will* get over it.Been there myself.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (4 March 2013):
 jesus! that's a horrible thing to do to someone! it gives you absolutely no closure at all, whatsoever. i'm so sorry this guy did this to you.
whether that post on facebook was about you or not, either way, you've not done anything wrong here. he's the asshole.
let me tell you a little story to explain i know exactly where you're coming from. i moved to a different state after college to be with my gf at the time. so as you can see, we were very serious. well about two weeks later, she just stopped answering my calls and texts. i got incredibly worried and went to her house. i knocked on the door and knew she was there - her car was there! she still didn't answer. i was like wtf is going on here? it started driving me insane. i just wanted answers. i wanted closure or to at least HEAR the words that we were broken up. i couldn't rationalize what was going on because like you said, just the day before, we had talked like everything was just fine and dandy. then all of a sudden i'm being ignored.
it took me a long while to come to terms and peace with that break up (because there was none). the lack of closure is what killed me. i'd never had anyone do anything like that to me before. and i was alone in a state i was unfamiliar with and had no friends or family to fall back on. eventually, i just had to find my own peace and closure. i had to come to terms with the fact that i didn't do anything wrong or deserve what had happened. and if me going to her house to check on her and make sure she was alive deems me as a "stalker," then so be it.
but with all that being said, this is HIS fault (like my ex) he didn't have the nerve or the guts to do what any decent human being should do - break up with you. it takes a really low-down, cowardly person to do what he did. it's cruel to do that another human being. if you had only been on a couple of dates, then that'd be one thing. but two years?? that's awful.
eventually you will find your peace and closure. i promise you that. it'll just take one day at a time. one day you'll wake up and it'll hit you that you're over him completely. just realize you're NOT a stalker and you've done nothing wrong here. this is him. he did this and he's to blame. you're just responding the same way that any rational, very SANE person would respond. best wishes! feel better soon!
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A
female
reader, R1 +, writes (3 March 2013):
 His friend sounds right - this guy has no balls. He should have told you in person but he didnt. This doesn't make him much of a man and definitely not a great loss. You need to delete him from Facebook and try and move on. At least him living further away helps as you won't bump into him.
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