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male
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anonymous
writes: I’ve been married to a lovely woman for 2 years. We were lovers, partners, best friends and soul mates. I love her dearly we really have had a fantastic relationship. We haven’t been getting on for a few weeks, or should I say she hasn’t been getting on with me. She has had quite a rough time this last year. We went to Florida and she spent most of the holiday in hospital with a burst appendix. After Christmas we both went through a bad financial time which has been sorted out now. We booked a holiday this summer but had to cancel it. She worked part time and got quite down because she said she was bored in the house, so she got a full time job which she has been doing for the last 3 months. She has suffered from a bad back for the last two years so recently she started on some back tablets called Voltarol, during which time she came down with a really bad cold and still continued to work.She comes home absolutely tired out from work. Two days ago she announced that she doesn’t love me any more and I’m devastated and don’t know what to do. We’ve talked and talked but got nowhere. She has got a ten year old boy (who will be devastated).She wants to move out of the family home (she could not afford to live here on her own and there is no equity in the house making selling it not an option). Her salary isn’t enough to support her and her child if she moves out. Her only option is to move back in with her son’s father but she doesn’t want to do this. I’ve tried to persuade her to stay and make another go of it to no avail. I’ve tried to explain that all what we’ve been through it isn’t worth splitting and that although she says she doesn’t love me anymore, surely I’m not just a friend that she would talk to in the street. I think she still loves me. She cant have gone off me that quick and I can’t understand why she won’t make a go of it. I know 100% that there isn’t anybody else in her life. She’s been showing signs of depression and says it’s me that’s making her feel down. She says its nothing I’ve done but she just wants to leave. She won’t go to the doctors or try for any help anywhere. I love her so much and want her back in my life. Can anyone give me some advice on how to salvage the relationship?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2005): I went through a time where i was down and depressed but most of all tired totally tired to the point where i had no energy to work at anything whether i wanted to or not in fact i was so tired out i couldnt even think straight pushing everything and everyone away from me and walking away from everything else..i went to my doctors and i was actually suffering from a medical condition nothing proper serious just something that while not controlled with medication i went through stuff like this..you really need to encourage her to see her doctor..tell her you dont want her to push herself out there and out the home and walk herself into debt and money worries and that you want her to stay and see the doctor all problems left untreated can only just get worse.
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (14 October 2005):
 It is important that she does receive help in the form of support from a counsellor or a doctor who could put her in touch with a professional. It would also be a good idea if you could both receive couples counselling. The difficulty you have is trying to convince her to do any of this.
It could well be depression and the stress that she has been suffering lately all culminating to making her think and act rashly but you must also allow for her to be actually feeling the way she is expressing. People do change and unfortunately, occasionally feelings for others change too. This could be what is happening and you say you have talked extensively. Has she said how you are getting her down? I mean, if there is nothing that you have done wrong, how can you be making her feel down?
Stress and depression can confuse feelings and even suffocate them but it is hard to say in this instance what she really does feel.
Again, you need to sit down and talk with her but not to convince her to stay. Instead, allow her to see that you are concerned for her and try your hardest not to try to convince her to stay; just focus on her. Explain how you would like to support her in whatever she chooses to do and that you think that taking a trip to the doctors could be reasuring for herself and you.
I understand how difficult this is for you but if she is aware of how much you love her and that you are willing to support her, she may feel more able to open up to you.
I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, sdrn92 +, writes (14 October 2005):
 ive got to be honest here...how can u be sure she hasnt found someone else? cause this is what it sounds like to me. i hate to say it but be ready for how this unfolds.
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