A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi,I need some advice. I have been going out with this guy for over a year. We get on well most of the time. But he constantly insults me - he doesn't mean to but it offends me. He doesn't make me feel special anymore. We work togethere and noone at work knows about us. We both agreed we would keep it secret so noone would feel awkward around us should it go wrong. But it's been a yr - i think we shud let them know. He is against the idea - i sometimes feel he is embarrassed by me? I don't know why? I've been introduced to only a hand full of his friends, he never wants us to go out, but yet he doesn't go out socialising with friends either - maybe he doesn't have much close friends?I have a child with someone else and i rent a house by myself with my son. He pretty much lives with us - but doesnt help with the rent or bills or shopping. I really love him and behind all this i know he loves me too. I have serious commitment issues after being with my sons dad. He bullied me mentally and cheated on my numerous times. I know my present bf is cheating as we havent really spent a night apart. If i do go out with friends he will babysit for me. He is so good with my son. He has made it clear he wants a baby, etc. So am i an easy target because i have a child already?Am i being paranoid?Is he taking me for granted and using me because i pay for everything? I don't know what to do - every time i ask for money help he says he will - a year on and he hasn't helped out!!What do i do???
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female
reader, GeeGee255  +, writes (13 May 2011):
 Your first priority has to be your child, so I say tell him if he is going to live there, eat the food and run up the water and electric bills then he needs to split the costs with you.
This is a good way to finf out if he really loves you or is just taking advantage of you and the cheap rent, and free cooking and cleaning.
Having a child with you could mean he is serious about you and wants to marry you eventually, or it could me he just wants to tie you down to him. I especially don't like the fact that no one even knows you guys are a couple at work. The only reason to hide a relationship is so he can still pretend to be single. Or as you said is not proud enough to openly call you his girl for some reason.
Tell him it is time to let everyone know you two are together, and make him pay up or stay at his own place and you will soon have your answer to these questions.
A
male
reader, spinnaker +, writes (13 May 2011):
 You are trying to evaluate so many things on very little information. These questions need to be directed at this guy - in a constructive way and not a confrontational way.
Explain to him how not being included with his friends makes you feel, how you feel when he insults you, and how not following through with his word on paying for things makes you feel. Remember to avoid the accusations like "You never pay for anything!" and "You never let me come out with your friends!" if you wish things to remain constructive.
You could ask him about his thoughts on parent hood and the prospect of you two starting a family together.
You are not being paranoid - you have very legitimate and fair questions that you wish answered. You will, however, get paranoid if you continue to over-think and not ask questions.
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