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male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes: my partner wants to goto university, and i hate the thought of them leaving me. I know a relationship couldn't work between us with a 50mile distance if they go. I don't know what to do or say. 'Cos its their life and they can do what they want, but it just makes me feel miserable each time its brought up in conversation.
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007): Original Poster here. :)Thanks for the many replies. Yes, I can drive, however I do not normally get weekends free off work, so I still feel it will be difficult. I don't know whether to try and enjoy what time we have left, or to consider ending it to try and make it less painful in the long run. I don't know. This relationship just feels like a time bomb waiting to go off come September next year. I don't know if I can be happy knowing that this will have to come to an end.
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male
reader, Skatanic  +, writes (30 September 2007):
Try to focus on the positives. Easier said than done, I know but 50 miles isn't 100 miles; it's still possible. Hopefully one of you can drive, so you can see each other for the whole of the weekends. Remember, University isn't like school; they're not in there every day 9-5; they'll be a few free days you'll be able to spend together and I know even if you trust her, the possiblilty of her meeting other guys and going off will hurt, but that doesn't mean it will happen. If you think she's worth it, stay as strong as you can with her and talk through every concern you have.
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male
reader, Andy00 +, writes (30 September 2007):
 Distance might be a strain for you because you have been together the all the time before this. You are comfortable with how things are, and a dramatic shift from your current situation to a situation that takes a lot of mental strength to endure.
I can understand why you're threatened, but at the end of the day, it's only 50 miles. Can neither of you drive? Let me tell you something. I met my ex-girlfriend over the internet. From there we sparked a relationship that lasted just over two years, separated by 240 MILES. That said, all people are different. You don't know what you are both capable of. Perhapps you could find a way to make it work, perhapps not.
If distance is something you think isn't worth putting up with, then your relationship should end. The way I see it is; if distance is something you can't handle then at this point in time, you shouldn't be together. I had to go through this some months back. My girlfriend left me because she thought our already circumstance ridden relationship would suffer when she went to university through having even less time to talk to me, and maybe she was right. But would I still fight for her today if I could? Absolutely.
Come to a decision. Maybe this will lead to a break up, but if so, it is probably the right thing at this point. There is nothing to say you couldn't get back together in the future. But if you love eachother enough to not take that risk, stick to it!
Best of luck to you my friend. I totally understand how bad this situation can be.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2007): hey there, i know exactly how you feel. I started my relationship with my man long distance and kept it up for 3years. Every time people tell me long distance cannot work, i am the proof it can. He later came back to London for 3years and now hes going to uni away again. Being with him in London was amazing and i was so happy. But him leaving again is so hard as you say but i can tell you that you can do it. If you truly believe that you two are meant to have a future, or if u truly love them, you have to make it work. And believe me, there are many positives!Such as they are more romantic, they miss you more, they can be more loving, will make the best of it when you see each other, and you will not take each other for granted. I know people might say "be happy for them" but its very hard to be happy for someone when it determines your future as well. If their decision affects your life then it becomes YOUR decision to both of you. Letting them leave is something you have to do, because if u dnt and they stay for you, they will always mention it and resent you deep down even if they say they wont.It doesnt mean you have to be happy about it but it does mean you have to try and make the best of it.
Good luck. xxxx
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male
reader, kenny +, writes (29 September 2007):
 Of course you are sad because she is going to a different place and you are not going to see them as much. Why don't you try to look at it in a more positive way, she is going somewhere to try and better her life and get a decent education, to one day get a well paid job. Surely this is a good thing, ok so you won't see her as much as you do now, maybe weekends and holidays, but absence really does make the heart grow fonder. So next time its brought up in conversation don't let her see you be sad, instead be really happy for her, because at the end of the day she is doing something that will benefit the pair of you in the long run.
All the best & good luck
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