A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I need help with my relationship between my partner and my parents. I am 35 year old divorced man. I got divorced about 4 years ago. I Cought my ex cheating. anyway, I have been going out with this new girl for 9 months now and we love each other.First, she is very bossy and like to stay in control but would like a man to take charge.My parents like her too, sort off. they are sort of a parents that like to interfere all the time. As them being my parents, I can not tell them to stay out of my life all the time. Yes, I have been told I am too nice. And that why I am always in trouble with everyone.My parents always come up with some kind of excuse that this girl is not good for you. remember, I am 35. I am sort of a person the if I don't have a settle family by 40, i don't know what reaction I may show. But they don't understand that. Nothing in the world has any value to me other then a family. House, car ... you name it.Now, I am stuck between my parents and my Partner. she want to get married and parents don't want me too.She is same age as I am. What should I do.
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male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Fully agree with Stina. Enough said.
A
female
reader, stina  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 Sorry - third paragraph, second sentence should read, "..you want a family by the time you're *40*..."
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A
female
reader, stina +, writes (14 June 2007):
Anonymous,
You said "As them being my parents, I can not tell them to stay out of my life all the time." They don't have to stay out of your life, but they have to respect you if you tell them not to talk about your romantic relationships. You say that your partner is bossy, but I definitly see that trait in your parents, as well.
I would have a discussion with your parents and tell them that their comments about your partner and your relationship are unappreciated and unwanted. If they don't like her, then they can talk with each other about it, but you don't care to hear what they have to say. And, frankly, you shouldn't. Why are you allowing your parents to have any sort of say in your relationship at all - to the point where you're thinking about not getting married because of them?? Are you trying to make excuses not to marry her? (Serious question, not being sarcastic there.)
Something else that I noticed is that you didn't say anywhere that you want to get married to her. Sure, you say that you want a family by the time you're married - but the only thing you've really mentioned about your partner is that she is bossy and wants to stay in control (but would like a man to take charge...not sure how that would work.)
Look - you have to decide for yourself if you want to get married. You can't not get married because you would upset your parents -- and you can't get married to this particular woman because she wants you to get married. You have to make this sort of huge decision for yourself.
Something else that I thought when I was reading your question is not that you are too "nice" of a person, but that you're completely insecure and doubt yourself WAY too much. I don't know if I'm correct in thinking that - but it lead me to believe that maybe your first marriage crumbeled because you were allowing your parents to dictate how you were with your first wife. I'm not saying that it was okay for her to cheat (it's NEVER okay to cheat), but I'm wondering if this attitude and lifestyle of yours pushed her away from you. If it did, perhaps you should wait on getting married until you don't need to rely on their thoughts and opinions so much.
Like you said - you're a grown man of 35. It's time to make decisions for yourself now.
Take care.
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A
female
reader, Sevenlova  +, writes (14 June 2007):
 At the end of the day it is what u can live with and not ur parents.Respect their thoughts and views but at the end of the day you should be in control of what it is you want and who i want to be with.
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