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female
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anonymous
writes: This Christmas has been terrible. Christmas day my partner just seemed to spend half the day yelling at my oldest son(he's 5) and my partner could not seem to understand that it was him and not my son who was ruining the day. My partner and I then had an argument. He said he thought I didn't want to be with him anymore. I told him I couldn't understand why he would think that. He said it was the way I’d been acting and the things I said, but firstly he never listens to a word I say and secondly he spends all his spare time between the pub and the computer. He doesn't even kiss me anymore. He said a while ago that he'd been told I was using him, which also makes no sense as he is the one who expects me to do what he wants without anything in return. I do want him and although he said he does want to be with me he still won't show it. He won't talk to me properly because he only bothers with these problems when he is upset. Then he shouts. He won't talk properly. I’ve tried so many ways of trying to get attention from him but, I told him that I gave up because it hurts so much when he pushes me away. Also he seems to be trying to push my 5 year old away. My partner was pushed out as soon as his younger brother was born and said he didn't want the same thing to happen with our children but he's doing it himself. I can't talk to him because if he's done something wrong he doesn't want to know. Even his friends have tried talking to him about everything but no one can get through to him. I seem to have run out of ideas. Please help
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reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi. He is still going to the pub every night despite knowing how much it hurts me. He makes excuses for it though. My mum hada chat with him and explained what I had already told him ie. that I was feeling rejected by the way he was being but he doesn't seem to have any intention of stopping. His best friend tried to get through to him but with no effect so I think he's given up now. I don't have close friends so that comment doesn't apply. My parents know how I feel and so does my partners mum. But it doesn't help that she seems to encourage him and defend him all the time. For example, if he has no money to go out, he will ask me. Of course, I say no, but then he asks his mum and she just gives him what he wants. Despite all I have tried to say and do, I don't think he understands all the problems associatedwith his actions. Ie. He is neglecting me and the children, he is pushing us away, shutting himself out, wasting money which we don't have and not thinking about anyone else. He often uses work as an excuse for things. He works as a carer so a lot of his work is confidential but he thinks that means he can't talk to me at all and that it gives him an excuse to go out drinking or play computer games all the time
A
female
reader, kellyO  +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Hi dearie, i agree with happytochat . you can consider talking to someone he respects and would listen to. his father perhaps or u could go to a marriage counsellor. I dont think u should run away from things now sometimes problems arise in marriages and if u really love him and ur family then u just have to fight for it. then u will know that u tried u best no matter what happens.
I sincerely wish u the best and I hope everything works out right.
Goodluck
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A
female
reader, happytochat  +, writes (28 December 2005):
Your relationship with your partner seems to be very similar to my parents, who are still together yet are very unhappy.
It seems like everyone in your family is quiet unhappy at the moment, which isn't good and mustn't be the best place to live in for you.
Firstly, I must address how you are dealing with all this. You must feel very unloved as he doesnt show you much attention or affection and the only time he does achknowlege or talk to you is about something negative and he isnt very happy! That must make you feel very abdly.
I'm thinking, what do your close friends and family think about your realtionship? Have they noticed any of these things? Talking to people who know you and your husband is a start, because they know whats best for you!
I would like to suggest that getting into marriage cousnelling is the best thing you can do. I'm not gona sit here and predict why and why not hes doing things and whats gong on in his head, because I don't know, no one can, yet if you both were to go and talk with a counsellor they will help you both learn to communicate better and find out the REAL issue as your husband might just be really confused and not even understand how he himself feels. I think you really should do this because your marriage seems ot be going down hil and not only that, your family, like you said he seems to be pushing your son away and that will really tear him apart and it might not show right now how much effects its having but it will later in life, his father is his biggest influcence and he is shaping him now to be the man he will become, thats why its vital to get help and stop this behaviour ASAP!
So once again, I really hope you do consider marriage counselling.
Hope I have helped and take care.
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A
female
reader, Hugglebuddy +, writes (28 December 2005):
 Well to start with you haven't done anything wrong and when he is telling you that you are doing this and that wrong he is trying to make you feel guilty so you forget that you were telling him what he is not doing. He is obviously not taking responsibilities. I fully understand you want him but you have to think what's best for yours and your childrens future. If his friends, you being his partner and neglection of your children isn't getting it through to him then you might have to make drastic measures and pack a bag and take your children to stay in a hotel or at a friends for a few days. If he calls you, you can then tell him what his made you do and if he wants you back he will have to put in the effort and if he doesn't or trys to argue against you, his heart obviously isn't in it any more i'm very sorry and i hope it works out i think this is the only way he will understand he is the wrong! stand your ground he is too blame, good luck :)x
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