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female
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*oopy-loo
writes: I previously posted when my partner of 5 years told me he wanted to end things as he loved me, but wasn't "in love" anymore. Since then, we have had a few difficult and emotional conversations - something I know he finds very hard and he has said he is suprised how much he has communicated with me. We have also had a couple of really good days out. During our latest heart-to-heart I was stunned to find out that he actually thinks that we could repair the relationship but he fears that as we've let things get to this state once, it will happen again and that eventually I will resent him for "using up the best years of my life and not having children", something he currently doesn't feel he wants to do. I dont know how to cope with this as:a)I am not even sure myself whether I want to have children, so I feel I am being "punished" for something we can't predict!b)when things were going well he was open to having more kids anyway(already has one from long past relationship), so I wonder if his thoughts are currently just influenced by how the relationship has been recently, although I accept he may not change his mind again regardless.Any advice appreciated! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, loopy-loo +, writes (27 November 2006):
loopy-loo is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply... he is saying that the fact that his (current) feelings about children are a reason not to stay together. I cannot promise him that I wont ever want children, but I dont think it's a reason to give up on our relationship - like him, I know this wouldn't be a good time to have a child, but who's to say he wont feel different if we make things good again! We both are of the mindset that children shouldn't be born in an attempt to "patch things up" so no worries there. Although we have been emotionally distancing ourselves over the last couple of months the rest of the relationship has been much more stable that most of his previous ones, and I now worry he is confusing stability with boredom!
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 November 2006): Children need to be brought into a loving and stable relationship, so i think you need to consider if kids can ever be an issue with you two. You say they are discussed when things are going good, what about the bad times? Kids don't patch a relationship up, if there are any flaws, kids will bust them wide open. I speak from experience!
I think if i was you i would take things a bit at a time. Don't think that you are being punished for things that cannot be predicted.
Do you really want to have a child with him, only for his mood to change. I'm not sure if you both really know what you want.
If you want to fabricate more then get in touch.
take care
xx
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