A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner has been feeling unhappy with his position at work. He feels it is beneath his skill set. He’s been looking for something different but hasn’t found anything in town that turns his crank yet. His boss can see he works hard and will support whatever he wants to do. But for now he feels miserable every day.I want to help him to feel better but I’m no therapist. And I think he would be offended by the suggestion of meeting with a therapist. I feel like I don’t know what to say and if I try to give my half baked advice I might do more harm than good. I can make him feel good when we’re together and I can give him encouraging words but I want him to be happy ALL the time.Does anyone have some advice for this situation? Or maybe some suggestions for a book or something so I can at least feel like I’m not making things up when I try to help him?
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2019): There is no way to make anyone feel happy all the time. Humankind is not meant to be happy all the time. I'm not sure where that notion was born, or why people insist on perpetuating it; but it's impossible, and unachievable.
Let empathy and sympathy drive your good-intentions; because it is our responsibility only to love, comfort, and support our mates. Each and everyone of us will experience circumstances in our lives that are not to our liking or satisfaction; but we have brains, skills, and self-motivation to change them. All we need from others is inspiration and support, the rest is up to us.
Your man should be thankful he has a job. If he's not happy with it; then he should either seek the education and training to find something better. If it's beneath his skill-level; the question is, why did he take the job in the first place? Who twisted his arm? If it was the best he could do; then let it suffice until something better becomes available. You continue the search. Not sit around stewing and brooding like a big man-child.
This is a matter of ambition and attitude; and not much you can do about it. It's up to him to. If he's being cranky or moody; it's no ones fault he took the job but his. Moping and sulking is childish; and I'll go as far as to say it is stupid, if he remains even when he hates it so much. Letting his dissatisfaction become toxic to his relationship is unnecessary. Therapist don't cure bad-attitudes and ingratitude. It still comes down to us fixing ourselves; they only facilitate in helping us get there.
When you don't like your job, you look for another. You should also be glad you have a source of income; and not sitting around homeless, wondering where your next meal is coming from. Watching your life tank; while you're hopeless and helpless. Seething in envy, or resentment.
Sometimes people go through a midlife crisis, they go to their high school or college reunion, they see an old schoolmate in the midst of their full-prosperity, maybe it's sibling-rivalry, and jealousy; or they just all of a sudden looked-back over their lives. Deciding they're not where they wanted or expected to be. That comes before a big shift or change. Give him time to come to terms; and he'll come-up with a plan. Everybody has been there, or will get there at some point.
We all reach that point; but we still have to give ourselves credit, and thank God for the blessing of survival. So many people fall to chronic-illness, become disabled through injury, and many lose everything they have in a catastrophe or natural disaster. We all need to stop and count our smallest blessings; or our bitterness will blind us to those things that truly give us joy. Forgetting we are loved. He may have hit a milestone-birthday, and decided he wants to offer you more, and his resources are limited. Let him know how he has made you feel loved. Sometimes that's what he needs to hear. Then leave it alone. Let him deal with it.
If you've complained or have shown your disappointment; you may not have noticed, or you're unaware of how he took it. Don't fret about that either! Let him do something about it; if he hates his job so much. It's not necessarily the job, but where he would rather be. He may think you're not proud of him. People frown or turn-up their noses on those who are humble and sincere; because we live in a vain and critical world these days. Why do the famous and wealthy suffer depression or commit suicide, if having everything and a fabulous job is happiness?
He doen't need a therapist; he needs to realize things could be so much worse. He is appreciated by his boss for what he does; and he has you loving, caring, and concerned for his well-being. Always remind him he is loved, and be patient with himself. Keep searching for something better; but be thankful for what he has. Turn to faith and worship when hope is lost; and answers can no longer be found in the earthly realm. Pray for him, and get him to seek something spiritual. Don't count God out of the process. He has answers too.
Sometimes when the spirit is starved, we think it's the lack of material things or money that makes us feel unfulfilled. Sometimes it's something other than that.
He can get a part-time job to increase his income, and keep his skills sharp. Sometimes stewing in dissatisfaction and doing nothing about it means the soul is starved. You have no purpose, and you may be looking in the wrong places for something to fill the emptiness and unhappiness. Being charitable, helping those less fortunate, and giving 200% at doing the best at what you do is rewarded. Thinking outside of yourself and giving to others gives great reward.
Don't fret over making him "happy." Happiness is a personal pursuit, but you can bring him joy. Joy comes from those people and things that surround us. Joy comes from being thankful and appreciative. Joy comes from worship, prayer, and having belief in something greater than yourself. Joy comes and goes, happiness turns to sadness, and we endure it; because it is life. It is the cycle of life.
We find ways to get around obstacles, we over-come our setbacks and challenges; and once we're on the other side of it, the victory brings us joy! We submit ourselves to worship and prayer; we turn to the love we're given, and we refresh ourselves. Then we go forward and make necessary changes that will find the joy and happiness we need.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (20 January 2019):
 My advice: dont allow him to complain to you about it. You know how he feels. If there is anything new to the situation, he can tell you. Otherwise all that will happen is that he will complain and complain and never find another jobb. Men dont want advice unless they specifically ask for it. So just leave this to him to deal with.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (20 January 2019):
 Sweetheart, commendable as your concern and support are, you have to stop over-reacting to his unhappiness. Nobody is happy ALL the time. This is life. Shit happens. We have to learn to deal with it. He is an adult, not a child. His happiness is HIS responsibility. YOU cannot MAKE him happy.
If he is letting this situation get to him, then perhaps he needs to change his mind set as much as his job. He CHOOSES to be unhappy about it. Someone with a more positive outlook than his might view the situation completely differently. They may appreciate how fortunate they are to be in a job, or how lucky they are to have a job which is not very demanding. Your husband chooses to see it as beneath him and be unhappy about it.
Sometimes we cannot fix things for others. All we can do is offer support and be there. In your shoes I would help where you can with applications for other jobs and listening if he wants to talk but, apart from that, try not to take the situation too much to heart. You are not responsible for his unhappiness at work. Only HE can change his mindset to make his time in this job easier.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 January 2019): You should ask him if there is anything you can do to help to make his job search easier for him. It may be that you can take pressure off him elsewhere to free up more time for him to search for a new job. Also maybe he could widen his search area if the town he is currently looking in doesn't offer what he's looking for. Listen to him when he needs to talk but that's all you can do. It's down to him to find what he's looking for.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (19 January 2019):
 Maybe suggest he find a "head-hunter" type company that will DO most of the legwork FOR him. It might require a fee but usually the majority of these companies make their money on the "finders-fee" that the companies (who employ the people) pays.
They can also suggest any skill-sets he might want to hone in on, some extra classes, courses etc. to make him even MORE employable in a job he really wants.
Most people go to work to EARN an income so they can afford the basic things such as a roof over their head, food and clothes and of course the more FUN stuff such as art, travel, etc. So while he might not ENJOY his current job, he needs to LOOK at it as a means to an end. Not a DEAD END.
And OP, no one is HAPPY all the time, it's unrealistic. welcome to adulthood!
Last thing you can consider is suggesting he finds a hobby OUTSIDE of work that can bring JOY to his life. Be it volunteering, sports, amateur theater or whatever - (you know what he is into) Something you two can either DO together or he can do alone/with others.
Also consider that him being "unhappy" might just be him venting, doesn't mean YOU have to FIX this for him. You are not his momma. Doesn't mean you can't come up with suggestion of things to do.
Do EVER be your partner's "therapist". Sound-board, cheerleader, support-net, partners in "crime"... is ALL good though. NOT Therapist.
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