A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Started dating some time ago. Brief history of family. I am widowed. Happily married for thirty years. Have one son, daughter in law and three grandchildren. Relationship is good. Have good relationship with my two brothers and their wives. My Boyfriend has been married twice. First wife is mother of two children. One daughther is AA and clean for 13 years. Son works with father. My partner's father had a mistress for years and my partner had a mistress for years during first marriage. Stated he found God and is clear. He is close to his youngest sister. (my partner was raised until he was nine by his grandparents) Biological parents mother is still alive. Her husband died several years ago.My partner has been bankrupt several times and is bankrupt now. approx every three to four weeks when I confront him with our problem he runs to the problem. I see our problem with his youngest sister. I see her as a kind person that still has her youngest son living with her and her common law. Eldest son is ADD, ADHD and possibly high level autistic. She is on the phone with him at least six times a day. She considers my partner her best friend and confides in him. He confides in her. I see them as very close and sometimes I feel it is inappropriate. If we are together as a threesome they will share lunch and I have my own lunch. They make sexual comments about other people walking by. I get upset and they don't think there is a problem. She waits on him hand and foot when we visit.Her first husband was my partner's best friend. He was abusive to her and the two children. DRug addict in rehab many many times and is in rehab again. My partner had him working with him some time ago. Both of his sister's son's were charged with gang rape. One had charged dismissed the other is going to trial. One son who lives with her talks to her in a negative way using the f word. I made a comment that is was not acceptable and we had a disagreement over it.I have tried to talk to my partner in the beginning about how I feel. He thinks there is nothing wrong with the way he is with her. When his sister is away with her partner she sends pictures of their trip over the blackberry to him. When she returns from a holiday she phones him as soon as she gets home. She has made a comment about how uncomfortable she is when my partner and I appear to be amorous and hug one another. I have confided with him about this with no acknowledgment. My partner has now shared all my feelings with his sister and her common law. Now she thinks that her brother and herself do not have any problem and that it is me who needs to work this out. I don't know what to do.Do I meet with her? Do I leave the relationship because I will never agree that this is normal? I am very upset with my partner for betraying our trust by telling them how I feel. I don't think this is normal. I care for this man. He cares for me. I cannot have him confiding in his sister and brother in law about us. We need to work this out together as a couple. Things have been horrid between us lately because this has been unresolved for a year. I do feel absolutely exhausted and have become somewhat depressed about this entire situation because I feel helpless for both of us.
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reader, anonymous, writes (31 October 2012): Oh god I could have written this. I feel for you. My husband tells his sister everything about us and always sides with her against me. They too are abnormally close. He will ring her on the way home from the airport if we have been away and spent hundreds calling her everyday from the caribbean to the UK. This is a no win situation for you. As I have found blood is thicker than water and he will put his sister first. You had a great 30 year marriage to a really nice man, this man's background and people he is associated with is just not good enough for you. A constant bankrupt! It's a no no and you should cut your losses pdq. Gang rape, weird family scenarios - what are you doing. You can do SO much better than this. What would your first husband say? He would be horrifed. The next time he shares lunch with his sister and you are eating your own food get up. get in the car and leave them to it. It is abnormal and if they are makinbg sexual comments about others it is all a bit odd isn't it. Please just leave they are too close and it's unnatural.
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